The paper-cut tsunami
Edges forward: it is a ship,
Stark and upright,
A Titanic of paper.
It is an iron
Smoothing out the creases of
Buildings; they're merely
Concrete and metal stains.
A knife,
It is a knife:
A cardboard knife of blue.
It destroys
How it destroys,
It is a knife
The knife is you.
I wait for you in the garden,
Still as a corpse,
My hands turned up to wash the sunrise.
I wait for you in the garden
As you cut through the buildings,
As you abate the sky,
As you loom over me,
You ebb and flow over me
And I turn blue, too.
A contest entry
- Anything at all just give me your best shot by soulangel1500.
550 points, ended May 14, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (Almost) Anything - Take a Peek by broken-colours.
900 points, ended May 18, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphores and Twists. by PINBALLxMASQUERADE.
400 points, ended May 9, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite " SPECIAL" by wingsofgold25.
450 points, ended May 17, 2007, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
nice write...good luck in the contest
-
Nice write Good Luck in the Contest
-
This has wonderful flow. I think that you did a gret job of writing this poem because of how it flows and just drags the reader in.
~Alix -
My favorite lines were "smoothing out the creases of buildings; they're merely concrete and metal stains." even if i had no clue these lines were about a tsunami, they would still be really great because there is something wonderfully different about the observation ("metal stains"). Really great.
There are a couple spots to condense; where the repetition could be taken out (like the "as you" of the final stanza). but really that's a choice of style.
I enjoyed this poem a lot, thank you. -
My hands turned up to wash the sunrise.
I wait for you in the garden
As you cut through the buildings,
As you abate the sky,
As you loom over me,
You ebb and flow over me
And I turn blue, too.
i loved those lines, and i really like this poem. This was awesome, and though the ending was almost predictable, i was still surprised when i read it. thank you for entering my contest. -
I like the title. This poem doesn't require hurry because it reveals a lot. I am still getting the revelation. Great write and best of luck.
-
intense imagery. just amazing. wicked awesome. i'll come back to this later.
graci -
First off, I'd like to thank you for entering my contest. I'm trusting you've read the rules, have only entered once, and have 0-5 trophies
The imagery in this one is disturbingly brilliant. It flows very nicely as well. A bit strange and out-of-the-box, but I like that.
Best of luck to you in my contest. -
Woah, trippy ending. I was sure you were talking about a tidal wave the first three stanzas, and then it turns out it's totally different. Awesome.
-
thank you so much!!
and yeah, now ill definately check out "Flowers of Evil". thanks for the recommendation, im always curious to read more (i lurve reading
)
-
I loved it, the way it was just all put together was amazing.The las stanza was my fav. Hope you didn't mind but out of curiousity I went through your page and well I recommend you the book "flowers of evil" by charle baudelaire you might like it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
1 old applause
