Whispering my name,
lower lip bitten,
our love I believe,
destiny has written.
No other words spoken,
my name repeated,
to soft sensations,
you lie defeated.
Sweat mingling,
with the ice I graze,
upon yielding body,
hightening craze.
Heart beating faster,
sheets held tight,
my hands gentle,
your knuckles white.
No form of contact,
except our gazing eyes,
your breathing quickens,
to the gliding ice.
From heaven on earth,
you ascend higher,
upon your chest,
ice meets fire...
Author notes
ok.. this is my first attempt at erotic/romantic writing.. so please be kind n help me improve my writin skills without being too brutal..!!
thanks!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Very sensual. It's your first time? Does that mean your not a virgin at erotic writing anymore? Heeeheee
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Hahhahaha!! this was my one n only attempt!
im glad u liked it... i wil definitely try and experiment more with different styles and topics...
thanks again!
LR
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An amazing poem, well written and perfectly structured. I loved it...an erotic poem that is no where near cheesy. I especially liked the 4th stanza. A truly beautiful piece.
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Well, good job on writing something sensual on a subject that is clear from this poem even though it is presented in a more gentle and romantic light. I think the structure of short lines work for this poem. It matches with the quick and intense rhythm of passion and your rhymes are not cheesy. So I give credit for that too. Good one.
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You've no idea how sensual it is (to me)... Extremely poetic, extremely exploding!
You'd my ACh play with my M3 receptors... What more can I say. So "mera goodmash" Ruu, you should only write Erotica.
I really like the expressions, the formation, the rhythm, the rhyme, the background of the poem.
Brilliant. Sexy. Artistic.
Mayank
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RAUNCHY MMM I LIKE HOW IT ENDS ICE MEETS FIRE DAMN IT GETTING HOT IN HERE LOL REALLY GOOD WRITE
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this is a good write well done you dont need to change anything its great
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i like it. i mean i think its really good. well your a really good writer so. what i'm saying is very nice write. lol
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Heheheh!! thank you...!
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To have that
Just one more time. The magic of wonderful love making. with , of course, a little lust mixed in. Splendid write
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oh wow...! thank you..!!
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Oh, wow, I loved it! This was a beautiful love poem; I'm a sucker for these things. Amazing!
Always,
Cassie
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No more just a kid!
Well, erotica, from my lil sis. Bad bad! First, tell me what inspired you Well, writing erotica requires talent beyond sheer normalcy, the ability to draw the fine line between seductivity and vulgarity. That you have succeeded in. Like all of your other works, this one isn't based on experience but rather on fantasy! That leaves a couple of "errors". Though a million interpretations may be made, this is my take. Gliding Ice?
"No form of contact,
except our gazing eyes"
No form of contact? Gazing eyes. Ah...makes sense! They're not physically initimate, the ice cold seductive glare of the girl is beating the daylights outta the guy? "knuckles white","breathing hard" etc etc.
"Upon your chest ice meets fire?" Fire is the passion they have for each other, here the icy intimacy meets the warm passion? Whoa..if that is what you meant, awesome!
I take back this sentence, "That leaves a couple of errors ". This work of yours is perfect, except for a typo! Heightening, not high-tening!
Another thing, here, in your fantasy, the girl is dominant over the guy.Don't deny! Read between the lines! Though it makes for a nice read, in real life, sex is enjoyed best when neither is dominant.The rush of feelings should be shared and relished. Thats the way it works. You'll thank me for this tip later!
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Lol!!! ok ok... nothin inspired me n all... jus wanted to challenge myself... i dont believe erotica is bad.. but some of the stuff ive read here is.. well... it makes me cringe..! but some stuff i read here was really good... so thot mite as well see if i can match upto that...
I donno how to edit in this new AP... so once you figure that out.. lemme know cuz i wanna change 'hightenin' too... n im guessin the silly spell check dont work.. or i donno how to make it work!!!
N ice... well its Ice!... Ice as for a cube of ice... she is glidin it around... they arent touchin.. the only form of contact is that they lookin at each other.. n well the lil ice cube! donno why.. but i felt like makin it the main 'tool' of passion??!!
Hahahahh!! i sound funny when i say such thing!!! heheh!!
N finally... its not a fantasy... its a poem!! n once in a while i think a dude shud jus kik back n chill n let the chick take care of things... it wasn't unintentional domination... it was intentional surrender to the female character..
Thanks for stoppin by...!!!
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If there's "No form of contact", the eroticism is left to the truly creative mind to understand. There was something about the final stanza that made my icy skin turn to fire. Keep it up with these kinds of poems.
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First time?You did gr8!Its amazing,sensual without getting vulgar.I really enjoyed it.I like your rhymes too,and the simplicity in style.
Beautiful. -
Lovely
Ah true passion is fire and ice.
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sexy
well, in terms of erotic writing i think taht it could've been more descriptive and detailed...but on the other hand, i personally like the poem just as it is because it is sexy and beautiful in a whole different level...it makes me think of the spiritual connection btw lovers and the way you describe it makes it very pure and hot all at once -
wow
great job. I really like the rhythm going here. And the ice meeting fire was awesome. At first, I didn't understand that it was erotic. I was wrapped up in the poetry. a really good piece.
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sounds pretty good to me. hahah I don't think I've ever written any erotic or romantic poems. I write a lot about love though. I'm a bit ADHD. Right, well, I think it's a great poem! I like it! hmm... I dont know about the title though... I mean, dont get me wrong, it does go with the poem... but I think you could do better. Sorry, haha... I really bad at criticizing people... all in all a good poem. keep up the good work.
-Angel-
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heheheh!! thanks man..! n yea i know the title sux.. donno what to do though..!! can u help me out??? n err whats ADHD???
thanks for stoppin by!
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ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactive disorder. hahaha... its like... my mind is always racing, I don't really know how to explain it... like I can't concentrate on one thing for to long... I get destracted and easily caried away... Im always... kinda spaced out, it kinda works like this... say some one was talking about flowers... well flowers remind me of the color yellow, the suns yellow, the suns hot, I never tan I just burn, swimming, ocean, my uncle.... some one would be talking about flowers and in a way that reminds me of my uncle... so I'm like in a completely different world. anyways... I'm getting off topic again =)
actually I'm not to sure what to call your poem... I never was good at coming up with titles... hmmm... maybe something with a little more... passion... I don't know sorry I'm no help =P
-Angel- -
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I feel for you, I have it too. On the bright side, I and everyone else I know who has it also has a naturally heightened sense of creativity and, for some, intelligence. One other I know who has ADHD is another member of this site and is an extremely gifted poet and very popular here.
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:P
ya ADHD is both a blessing and a curse at times. In the end I guess it all balances out somewhere along the line. Well. I'll see ya if I see ya man.
-Angel-
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Hahahahah!!! well thats k... but i must say ur quite an interestin person.. nice to meet ya..!
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The suspense is wonderful. I love the hands gentle/white knuckles part. Very good.
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