HOPING YOUR STILL THERE FOR ME
HOPING YOU STILL CARE FOR ME
HOPING YOUR STILL LOVING ME
I HOPE THAT YOU'LL BE HOLDING ME
WHEN TIMES GETB ROUGH WHEN I GET SAD
I THINK OF YOU WHEN I AM MAD
THINKING OF YOU MAKES ME SMILE I GET BACK TO MYSELF IN A LITTLE WHILE
IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD IS WHAT I SAY HOPING THAT YOUR HERE TO STAY
I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
WHEN THE SUN GOES BACK DOWN AND COMES BACK UP
A contest entry
- MY AP girl by Captain Emo.
300 points, ended May 1, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love...Loved by Procrastination.
375 points, ended May 26, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A sweet sentiment, but sooo cliche. The rghyme is the most pedestrian I've ever seen, and to be honest, I think I got a little sick reading it. I can't tell you how many poems I've read that are, almost word by word, exactly like this.
Line 5- "GETB" should be "get"
What is the point of the capitalization? It's not going to make your poem stand out more than it does, and you're supposed to be talking about love, not something angry.
Sorry I'm so harsh, just trying to help out.
Jeanette*~ -
I love the first verse and the last one, this is a really nice poem,
Goodluck in the contest!
Emily x -
You could've said "EVEN when the sun goes down and comes back up." But this is alright, I really think you can do better. I mean step outside yourself, and write something that's not you, like writing from another point of view instead of your own.
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coolness
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