Until My Name Is Me

I will do everything right
I won't mess up
I will do all that they ask
I won't disspoint them
I won't feel pain, so they won't hurt
I won't cry, so they can be happy
I won't feel at all
Because that is what is best for them
Hello my name is perfect
Longing so much to feel something
Empty within my soul
A hole never to be filled again
Emotions dissapeared a long time ago
Pain can not exsist
Tears are imperfection
Without sadness there is no joy
I need to feel
Hello my name is Numb
Writing that is how I'll feel
I'll let my tears be drops of ink
I'll let the pages catch them
The words will be heart
If I write my numbness will go away
Words will be my idenity
Unspoken, simply written
Tears of ink, heart of words
Hello my name is Writer
No this can't be
Writer replaced Numb who replaced Perfect
Yet Writer is not enough
I need something more
I need a new way to feel
No longer Perfect, I deserve pain
No longer Numb, I can't stop crying
No longer Writer, how can I express myself?
Hello I have no name
The blade looks so inviting
It becons me to grasp it
I hold it in my gentle hands
And disect my frail skin
Scarlet colored tears appear
Staining my once white heart
Comforted by the knife
And the holes now in my arm
Hello my name is Bloody
I thought one time was enough
Yet I again I hold the knife
Again the blade meets my flesh
And digs deep within my soul
Again and again and again
It never stops
The blood keeps pouring
The knife keeps slicing
Hello my name is Cutter
I want to stop
I hate this name
its worse than all the others
It hurts so much to be called this
I must stop, and yet I can't
I am caged within myself
No one knows and no onw sees
I can never be set free
Hello my name is Trapped
Help me I cry
Yet not an ear hears
No one listens to silent screams
No one cares of unspoken pain
My voice won't get louder
Won't someone hear me in the quiet?
Can a voice so gentle
Be loud enough for them to hear?
Hello my name is Silent
I unscrew the blade
I lay it down forever
never will it be in my grasp again
Never will I hold the enemy of my arm again
I can not nor will not let the knife control me
No more of this
My name is no longer Cutter
That is not who I am
Hello my name is Free
Free for a moment till I look down
And see the mess that Cutter made
And for all my days when I look there
A picture of the past
Will stare back at me
Free from the knife
But never free from memories
That will forever haunt
Hello my name is Scars
Pefect was my name once
Until I failed
Numb was my name once
Until I couldn't take it
Writer was my name once
Until it no longer suited
I had no name once
Until I needed an idenity
Bloody was my name once
Until it took control
Cutter was my name once
Until I was bound
Trapped was my name once
Until no one heard my screams
Silent was my name once
Until I needed release
Free was my name once
Until I saw the truth
Then Scars will be my name now
Until one day I look back
Until my name is Me