his warm
moist
breath of whiskey flavored memory
lingers still
on my outer capillaries
increasingly depeleting
and a shiver signals
that the last drop has fallen
he works quickly
calmly
how his heart is steady
a mystery
never skipping beats
only seconds
im bagged and like some sweet gravity
i hold him firm
as he struggles with my
dead weight
my last supper
was for him
he could use the challenge
he flinches like a birth defect
"why so nervous?"
his silence was more than enough
a small and familiar tune
materializes as dribble
raining from his chin
perhaps this walk has him wishing
for an extra breath
but there's no time
cast by his oblong arms length
I'm strumming my old strato
and he hums with me
i offer a hand
and begin my crawl to sea
perforated at the neck
im peeking through my red
distorted lids
and with my shadow in tow
i reach a destination
he's heavier now...
for he picked up luggage along the way
I was told some time ago
that only he an i would know
I cast his body into the brine and salt
the surging waves come to purge and eradicate
my sense of worry
Perhaps i should have let him live
in this dreary
time-scarred setting
among the heavy thoughts and simple ways
I feel very alone
A contest entry
- Show me watcha Got!! by agalford7053.
600 points, ended June 1, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Good, but....
Very well written, but I'm afraid you exceeded my 60 line rule.
Please try again. -
-
haha didnt even notice, oh well, thanks anyway
-
-
wow
Very touching! The description, the words, the flow, the EVERYTHING! It all was great! Each part of this poem fit like a little puzzle peice. Creating a whole image thats magnificant. Great job!
Ashley
-
Really Great. I love reading your words. They are so powerful. Your writing is amazing and I enjoy reading every piece. This sounds so depressing and hopeless but you paint such vivid images. I love the way you describe things."in this dreary
time-scarred setting
among the heavy thoughts and simple ways
I feel very alone".Wow. Never stop writing.
-
Wow, this was very depressing...with a lot of impact.
Perhaps i should have let him live
That really hit me. Pondering your decisions yet I couldn't help but hear it with a complacent tone. Perhaps I am wrong, but the whole piece bears the heavy weight of hopelessness in the way that I read it. The end of each stanza is very...definite. I really was drawn in by this...in fact I read it multiple times over before I could gather my thoughts.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
