III- Dayadhvam
Breeding despair from the dead land, the waste land
dried roses grown from sand
and a promise
Fire kindles the future,
Inferno swallows the end
summer sun, summer sun
Juniper trees burn
Ring around the Juniper tree
Juniper tree
Juniper tree
Ring around the Juniper tree
smoldering in the sun
And Mother Nature confessed
the murmur and the memory,
the idea of the Exile
Mother Datta confessed
the world will end---the world will end
lead us to our deaths
Mary, Mary, Mary
marry us with war
and give us one last breath
Here we rose the dead
from silt and sand
and iron and blood
and called them Hyacinth Children
born from the spasm
and the promise
Apple core eyes
reflect creation
perfect and temptation
little children,
little children
born from the spasm
and the promise
Born from where the lotuses
plow the loams ashes,
the dirt death sowed
between the dreams
The loam where the dead roam
and hide their bones,
and hide their memories
Where the dead cultivate
ruination. To spread the light
Let there be light
and there was light.
II
I am the Alpha and the Omega
we chant in the presence of the Lamb
With hands of steel we shall build
Jerusalem from the loam,
to pray to two caterpillars.
Bodies of salt and sand
and iron and blood
In their names we pray
Amen.
Let's play Adam, let's play Eve
let's play Moses and part the Sea
of despair. The sea that divides
dream from dream, life from life,
memory from memory.
In the memory, in the dream
let's learn the meaning of death.
Let us learn to pray
and cross the River
where bodies crawl,
heads bowed, salvation lost
between the dreams
Let's learn the meaning of resurrection
and the sacrament [between the laughter
and the prayer]
III
Father forgive me
for I have sinned.
Amen.
IV.
In darks stillness we breathe
lies across the hyacinths,
night across the lotuses
Petals remain motionless
except from the conception
of the fear
Let us pray in shadows
to the bones, to death. [Let Death
reap the shadows, rape the idea.
Throw bitter apple cores away]
From death sweeps all
including Hyacinths.
There exists only wasteland
in putrid shadows,
world of the underworld
below the mind, the convoluted mind.
Dreams dissolve in the universe
sprawled out across the eye.
In black smog the idea crumbles.
Let us revel in revelations
in hollow valleys where hollow souls
crawl across the Juniper branches,
picking burning leaves.
We wear despair, flesh colored,
from flood to drought
to flood again
and enigma in the rot.
The Earth dies
the Earth dies
the Earth dies tonight.
Touch the ghost,
hold the shadows
pray to the invisible idea.
Let God be with you.
And also with you.
Amen.
The face was upon the smog,
resurrections smog
damnation's smog
death's smog.
Choking heavily
like the world
held upon the wicked's shoulders
Hold life from hours to years
hold life from hours to years.
Hours to years---my friend.
V.
Ash falls on
Wednesday,
as we speak to
the dead.
We rise on Sunday,
invisible to the
naked idea.
Cultivate the mire
in the hollow land,
our lives just as hollow.
Oblivion falls in
crimson and black.
Tasting tar and oil
mixed with rot and disease
Putrid thoughts poison
the blood
and we kneel
waiting
Forgive us
we have sinned
Percavi
VI.
Fires rage and burn
across the war, across the world,
sprawled out across the eye.
Tonight the damned
the wicked and the broken
blink. Darkness
consumes the motionless
There was the spasm
and the silence.
There was the scream
and the emptiness.
We are hollow men
we are dead men
we are the damned,
walking blindly
woken from tombs
of asphalt and cinder.
From carbon to uranium
from the egg to the apple,
forgive our trespasses
in bread and blood,
and deliver us from evil
Sympathize
for temptation
brought shadows
upon our existence
Forgive us
Father
for we have
sinned
Deliver us from
evil
and give us
salvation
Amen
Author notes
Part three of this poem. Dayadhvam is Hindi for sympathize. This poem took me about a month to write.
Part 1:http://allpoetry.com/poem/2747106
Part 2:http://allpoetry.com/poem/2750512
Required for Darc Soul's contest:
-I read the rules.
A contest entry
- Anything at all just give me your best shot by soulangel1500.
550 points, ended May 14, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Keep my attention by writing something great!!! by Luciferschild.
400 points, ended May 22, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best by Sapphire Rose.
600 points, ended May 21, 2007, 50 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A CONTEST OF EVERYTHING by Darc Soul.
490 points, ended May 11, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - so pretty much anything by Last Pixie.
300 points, ended June 11, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
"the world will end---the world will end" - your three hyphens should be an em dash:
"the world will end—the world will end"
First thought that came to my mind when I read this line:
"I am the Alpha and the Omega"
Cliché, overly cliché.
"In darks stillness we breathe" - "In Dark's..." ? "In dark's..." ? - "In dark stillness..." ?
"Hours to years---my friend." em dash —
-
The downside of this is that it's too short, which causes undue repetition that seems overshadowed by the message and story posed by you to (me) the reader.
I feel it should be longer, it would cut down on the repetition. And if not longer, then shorter, less parts, more depth.
I noticed this is entered into many Contests; the bad thing about that (individually speaking) is that it's the 3rd part, which means the Contest holder has to read the 1st and 2nd part to get the understanding of the author for the one part they enter into their Contest(s).
Perhaps it would be prudent for the writer (this would be you) to enter all three parts as one whole piece for a Contest. Most Contest holders will not venture to the other two (especially based on length) because the ending is already revealed (in essence) by you entering it into their Contest. What would be the point?
It's like ripping out all the pages to a novel and just reading the last chapter, it becomes nonsensical.
Just a thought.
I can not give an honest opinion of this piece (excluding what's stated above by me) in a totality because I see no point in reading the other two parts since I've read the 3rd. Sort of makes it useless.
I am sure, as a whole the totality of the parts are coherently sound and quite nice in form but ...
-Nam
-
well. this was nice. in the beginning the words were so captivating. i have to say though i kind of got restless towards the end. very deep thoughts though. nice work.
-
Images are beautiful, but I think it went a little to religious but its a amazing write. I'm impressed it was this long and still be really good.
-
I can definately see why it took you a month. I like long poems and am rather sad that I don't see more than can actually keep my attention span like this one did. This could be turned into a rock song, y'know. I had a tune going round and round in my head as I read it. Only sung by Blind Guardian, of all groups.
The imagry was fantastic, all the word choices phenominal, using parts of Scripture brilliant, I just loved it! Not many get me thinking as much as this one did. Definately one I'll consider at the end, whenever that'll be. Extremely well done.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D
-
whoa.. very very long poem.. will have to go through it once more to absorb everythin... but i do like it a lot.. there r some lines which are thought provoking while others seem like random inclusions... the overall effect is pretty good... what does the title n the word 'datta' signify anyway...???
Well done...
-
it was really amazin
a bit long but even so its really good
<3
-
it was a great write even though it was a bit long, i enjoyed the imagery alot, thanks for entering and goodluck
-
A labor of love, surely. I must say that I enjoyed VI the most, especially the following:
"There was the spasm
and the silence.
There was the scream
and the emptiness.
We are hollow men
we are dead men
we are the damned,
walking blindly
woken from tombs
of asphalt and cinder."
I will have to go read parts 1 and 2 though I think for the full effect, thanks for making me pause, reflect and consider. Job very well done!
-
shit---I clicked on this without meaning to...and what an incantation. brilliant rhythm to your heathen hi-yum. A marching of the dead brings to life comes to mind. fantastic
-
arggg confuzzled :
-
your welcome
and you did really good on it
-
very good poem!!! you did a great and wonderful job!! take care!! I hope u contiute on writting!! take care!
-
Fire kindles the future,
Inferno swallows the end
summer sun, summer sun
Juniper trees burn
BRAVO! bravo indeed, you speak intensly upon death and life as the sun speaks to the black hole an artful time and gravity, that would resolve reader and writer, to right as controlled, and so left be free, your repetition is perfectly placed to thee, as is your hope to the candle and shadow, the length quantumed away to flow, with my thanks and mangoes, JAS
-
Wow... no wonder this took so long... it's absolutely beyond amazing! Nate this is wonderful! Rock on! xoxo Meg
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
