and the sand slid out violently
time seemed to shallow breath and skin
weight and words
beauty and skeletons
the hourglass suffocated you with lies
the reflection on the glass-
she lied to you, she lied
and you believed her
I've seen you suffer
I've seen you in this place
like Alice, you stumbled into a black hole
stiff under the pressure of thick voids
you weren't meant for this
you are meant for something greater
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hey there fearie girl with the cosmic smile,
I'd wrap you in Jupiter's rings
if that would keep you safe
don't let go of my hand
don't slip
I will take you to a tree house in Neverland
with Tinkerbell's dust
green and sparkling like a rare diamond
just don’t let go of my hand
the indigo water here is clear
and it echoes the truth
turn the tables and you’ll see it
you’ll know she was lying all along
because you are beautiful
and I would send balloons of oxygen across the ocean
so you can breathe on your own
[ remember, you don't need pixie dust to be beautiful ]
Author notes
I love you so much sweet♥ and I'm so glad that you are pulling through this. I'm so proud of you, I know you can do, you're strong. If you ever need an help, I'll be here for you, an ocean can't stop my love from getting to you.
♥
A contest entry
- 0 by Lauren Noir.
850 points, ended June 2, 2007, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i love you always my starrdust mermaid
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Gorgeous and so fulfilling to read. It makes you want to believe in the kind of beauty that some people possess that you thought you lost in the people you know in real life. It's the ones you haven't met yet that hold what you need ... and we're miles apart but we'll do so much over these wires that connect us.
The entire beginning (S1-S2) was well written and it seemed like you were getting more forced in your voice as it went down. You were getting angry that your friend has suffered through lies and such. It was emotional and effective.
"I'd wrap you in Jupiter's rings
if that would keep you safe"
--like I said, we try to do all we can to help another out. It's incredible how good of friends you can make through online, you meet them by liking their poetry ... it's a wonderful thing, it's a wonderful feeling there is someone somewhere out there that gives a damn about you.
The ending:
"and I would send balloons of oxygen across the ocean... - ...[ remember, you don't need pixie dust to be beautiful ]"
--yeah, it could make you cry a little. It's so refreshing, it makes you want to smile. The person it is written for must have been so insanely happy after reading this. It's wonderful and contains an uplifting message about how strong text communication friendships are really damn strong.
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this is treasure.
this is soo sweet, and a WELL deserved gold.
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*cries*
*BOOKMARKED*
This is so special to me
The ringing message of "always be with you"
And I never, ever will ever let go of your hand
This is flawless
Like you
Hmm, fave lines I would say were:
the hourglass suffocated you with lies
the reflection on the glass-
she lied to you, she lied
and you believed her
don't let go of my hand
don't slip
I will take you to a tree house in Neverland
with Tinkerbell's dust
green and sparkling like a rare diamond
just don’t let go of my hand
and I would send balloons of oxygen across the ocean
so you can breathe on your own
[ remember, you don't need pixie dust to be beautiful ]
Ok, so I pasted half the poem in there but I trully, deeply love it
Like I love you, you are one of the most special people on this planet
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babykins, I promise I ALWAYS WILL BE HERE FOR YOU! No matter what. You're an amazing person and mean so much to me. You're a starr and will be one forever and ever.
I LOVE YOU!!! -
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I think I might just run away and get married to you my dear
How about a civil partnership?
♥
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Best Yet
Even though your string of betrayal-based work continues, I think that this one is the best you've ever done. Perhaps it's because of the sentiment built into it. I honestly didn't know you had it in you. Perhaps you could do another?
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lol yepp, I'm a softy BUT shhh! dont' tell
I've been working on a few other pieces like this. I like writing for other people and making them smile. It makes me feel happy and like I've created something beautiful.
xxxx
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and the sand slid out violently
time seemed to shallow breath and skin
weight and words
beauty and skeletons
the hourglass suffocated you with lies
the reflection on the glass-
she lied to you, she lied
and you believed her
WOW, is all I can say.
This piece left me speechless!
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thank you baby
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I'd wrap you in Jupiter's rings
if that would keep you safe
don't let go of my hand
don't slip
I will take you to a tree house in Neverland
with Tinkerbell's dust
green and sparkling like a rare diamond
just don’t let go of my hand
AAHHH!!
this was so beautiful. im jealous. =p
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babe, if you're ever going to take a piece of advice from me, let it be this:
NEVER BE JEALOUS OF ME, YOUR ARE BEAUTIFUL!
<33333
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Precious!!
This is one Precious verse to lift Spirits!!
Loved this!!
and what images to hold onto and bury in the Heart
so it can feel the beat...
Magnificent Gift
Thank You for sharing this Sweet One!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings to You
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Thank you very much for the wonderful comment
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Arw i love her too, this is gorgeous <3
"don't let go of my hand
don't slip
I will take you to a tree house in Neverland
with Tinkerbell's dust
green and sparkling like a rare diamond
just don’t let go of my hand
the indigo water here is clear
and it echoes the truth
turn the tables and you’ll see it
you’ll know she was lying all along
because you are beautiful
and I would send balloons of oxygen across the ocean
so you can breathe on your own"
= stunningly loverly
i ♥ yoo muchly xxxx
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thank you darling
i love you too xoxoxo
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