Walk across the back to the stage of life
And light up your inspirational ciggarete
Warm up the crowd with your charm just right
Sing your songs on love death and no regret
Step back for a moment and look upon your dream
Bow to the fans and don't forget to blow the last kiss
Wink at the guys at the front make them scream
So they all have something about you to cherish
Tonight is the night that i leave this life
Don't worry my darlings it will be alright
As long as you keep my words in your hearts
Then the meanings can never break apart
Tonight is the night that my soul breaks away
I've had my spotlight i've had my day
And i say it'll be ok as long as you don't forget me
Make sure my words make the world see
You've signed a million autographed with a mark
And a symbol you made with love life and pain
That will forever be as bright as a flame in the dark
And will never leave any of your followers the same
There is a story that you have put in a song
That even though its dark will keep you going along
But now your body can't take the drugs and drink
It's the killer of a artist that will make the world think
Tonight is the night that i leave this life
Don't worry my darlings it will be alright
As long as you keep my words in your hearts
Then the meanings can never break apart
Tonight is the night that my soul breaks away
I've had my spotlight i've had my day
And i say it'll be ok as long as you don't forget me
Make sure my words make the world see
Collapse at the end of the show and die right there
Be carried out through the crowd that respects you
Let your leavin soul feel they are scared
But rest in peace because they all deep down knew
Tonight is the night that i leave this life
Don't worry my darlings it will be alright
As long as you keep my words in your hearts
Then the meanings can never break apart
Tonight is the night that my soul breaks away
I've had my spotlight i've had my day
And i say it'll be ok as long as you don't forget me
Make sure my words make the world see
Author notes
Love is a battlefield option 13
A contest entry
- 666 POINTS and yes- If you look at this contest- you will be sure to go to HELL! by Ativan.
666 points, ended May 17, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where Will You Be In Ten Years? by Ah.Sosha..
430 points, ended July 4, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What would you do? by Acidanthra.
600 points, ended August 24, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What does the future hold for you? by lexy23.
370 points, ended October 6, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A tale of Death by Slinky-milinky.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST TWO DAYS TO REACH 1000 ENTRIES !!!! ( BE A PART OF THIS RECORD BREAKING CONTEST ) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 1, 2008, 526 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i did find the repitition a little heavy but i enjoyed the narrative and imagery, id did feel like a rockstar!, thank you for entering
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Overall this is a beautiful poem about how you want to die. But, honestly, this just doesn't seem to be appealing to me. The rhyming is somewhat off a few times. The repitition also gets old. There are so many other words you could write except repeating yourself. The flow of the words is alright though. I don't really like the format because there are different length stanzas everywhere. And, also, ciggarette is spelled wrong. That's about it. And I'm sorry, but you didn't make the finalist list. I think you are a great poet, but this just isn't your best work. So, good luck in all your future writings.
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In a way I like this. But I guess I'm just a sucker for poetry. The rhyme was not very bad. I always think that some rhyme can ruin a piece of poetry if it is not executed very well. But the jist of your poem is a respectable death. My favorite part was:
Be carried out through the crowd that respects you
Let your leavin soul feel they are scared
But rest in peace because they all deep down knew
However, I wish that it could have been a few nights before the night that you died, that way you could look at yourself and realize your problems. To me, those are moments when people either gain strength and prosper or lose themselves to their own weaknesses.
Good luck and thank you for entering.
Sosha -
your idea is classic... the entire plot is excellent. I am not thrilled about your rhyme scheme. I don't do much rhyme anymore but that does not make me bias. It is a very good write with a little to much repition and the flow could be better. Yet, overall good job!
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Wow! That's really good! It like sums up completely the desire to pass on in that way! As you said it's dramatic but it dodges cliche perfectly. It makes it seem like the best way possible to do it! lol

1 - 5 of 5





