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Dance of d e a t h ♥

You're a [pretty] little  i m p e r f e c t i o n ♥
with your [shattered] ego

and those eyes that could leave
  any boy in a  trance;

Popping [prescription pills] and sipping
  on that all night [alcohol] cup

you're [f a d i n g] quickly darling
  so finish your one  l a s t  dance.

With your [lips] covered in vodka
  you 

    i n
      t o
        x i
          c a
            t e 
                your [delicate] self

[ecstasy] and [pills] cover the floor
  where you perform your last dance of [grace];

your [heart beats quicker]
  as your body now picks up [speed]

you're [mesmerizing] ever [dirty] little boy
  that walks through this place.

[Memories] s.e.d.u.c.e your mind
  with those [toxic] nightmared [dreams]

while you spin around the floor
so [elegant] holding your [intoxicated] breath;

'r
  o
  u
    n
    d
          and

          'r
            o
            u
              n
              d
                  you go
  on that stage of [hell]

for the last dance of the night
  to the [melody] of your own
          d e a t h.
                  ♥

Author notes

juliex-exotic shine

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • cookie-monster
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    this is sooo cool fantastic job


  • Cyanide Dreams
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my you've entered this into alot of contest. This is a great write and it shows alot of imagery. it was really good. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck. Again. Great job on the imagery.

    Josh


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ah true passion, deep dark and sensual, like the bottle it's drunk from.

  • poetrytoopeneyes
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, the last three lines were a really great way to end the poem. I like how you centered it which is something I don't see often. Great title too. Great write.


  • Romanee
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a good piece there's no denying that, but I personally didn't really like the format, you also didn't follow the rules, thanks for entering though, goodluck


  • danceswsquirrels
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    5/5/4/4
    =
    4.5

    Thanks for entering and for following the rules!!!


    This was awesome! I love how the melody of the dance was to your own death.. wicked..


    J~~~

  • nerd42189
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    its a good piece but i dont like the shinanigans. poetry should just be written without all these weird forms but thanks anyway for entering my contest.


  • MelissahhMidnite
    October 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. I love it so much .


  • oldphotosonlybringt
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this was so amazing..

    i just had to read it again and again and again...crazy sweetie, i loved how i could see each thing happening, this was truely a great poem i loved it bunches i wish you all the best in your contest, love lots..xoxox


  • LucyLightning
    September 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was amazing & i love it.
    =]
    i enjoy the concept & flow of it.

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very dark and deep, she's dancing herself into an early grave with all those drugs and all those scary people in her audience of a death dance. Very hard hitting here, makes me glad that I don't mess with what I bshouldn't mess with!


  • WhatLiesBeneath
    July 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked it dirty pretty poem. I flowed amazingly and it was a real smooth poem to read. It was a great dirty pretty poem. It reminded me alot of my AP Aunt's work and I think that's why I liked it even more. Thanks for entering.


  • BeautifulDisaster9
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Whoa.

    This is freaking AWESOME.

    I love the rhyme scheme, and the glitter is excellent.

    <3BD9


  • PaintedParisPassion
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was really really really good, and i liked it alot, but you didnt follow the rules. please fix this, i dont want to DQ this. thanks.


  • On Frail Wings.
    July 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow. now dirty pretty is not something im VERY into, but there are a few poems in the category i fall in love with. this happens to be one of them. beautiful,dear,just beautiful. im adding you to the finalists.=]
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ♥
    jess


  • Aquamarine.
    July 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is seriously good i like it good luck in the contest


  • CazzieJade
    July 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great Job

  • LaurenLightning--x
    July 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful.
    I really don't know what to say.

    Thank you for entering and good luck!!


  • Timeless Wisdom silver member
    July 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks alot for your wonderful entry. Sorry about the delay on the comments...I have a busy and hectic life that is fixing to get more hectic. But thanks for the patience.

  • Timeless Wisdom silver member
    June 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write here. I Loved the shape and content of the poem as well as the metaphor and the deep emotion contained within this. Thanks for your entry and best of luck to you.


  • ibsons hysops
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    definitely a dance of death, the way you have structured your poetry! Good Luck in the Contest!


  • Atrophya
    May 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    lovely. =]


  • HisDarlingDisaster
    May 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is really good. I likw this, theres just something about it that i cant wuite put my finger on. Well good luck in your contest.

  • CazzieJade
    April 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow..
    This was pretty much amazing.
    You used the wordbank well and the rhyming doesn't seem forced. It flowed quite well.

    Good luck.

    • juliex-exotic shine
      April 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much This was my first time writing something like this, and I was a bit worried on what you would think. Thank you again!
      xx Julie.

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