Body [covered] in ..dirt..
Look at the blood on her shirt
She --cannot-- breathe
There is no air
Lost
++Alone++
And in //despair//
~~Abandoned~~ by society
\\Mistaken\\ for dead
Her heart **beats**
But _inside_ she is >dead>
She 'cries'...
&&cries...
Whimpers and {{sighs}}
((Angelface))
Has said her last xgoodbyex
Author notes
x.one last fix.x
A contest entry
- && all i want is... your best on the spot dirty pretty by over the rainbow--x.
525 points, ended May 10, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty Pre-Writes or new... by One Eunique Pixie.
380 points, ended May 21, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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A very emotional and powerful write, thank you so much for sharing. ^-^ It was well written and had a very nice flow to it as well. =] Excellent piece.
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This one was sad. I feel like this at the moment, or at least the feeling of just wanting to give up. I was crying for ages last night [go figure, men]. Short but very powerful, could relate to this very well.
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Very intense. The shorter the line the more the beat and rhythm take up and you get accelerated by an invisible adrenalin. Nicely done, although the whole character thing with dashes, dots and brackets ain't my thing
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This is a nice write. I like the use od dirty pretty, though I have to say that I never realized it before now, but the lack of color really threw me off. I think that the 90's rave colors that most people use for these dirty pretty poems is crucial. Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene.
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not a fan of the use of text characters, but it is a nice poem.
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awwwwwwwwww this is sad and beautiful at the same time! I like!
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Thats awesome!!!
What a unique poem you have written here with heaps of depth and despair,
Written with such clarity in the style you have used,
I love it!!!
-Brenden
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Beautiful
Lmao Illegal I just chatted with in the CB and also via message. any ways great and yet very intriguing and complexing poem here Beautiful I wa slost through out it but then again any poetry from you is awesome love ya lots and kepe up the good work
Love your dashingly handsom Tiger =)(=
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this is awesome..
a good write and its so sad, and bold. -
Nice. Very different from what I've seen from you in the past.
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a good poem and thanks for showing me what dirty pretty poetry is lol, i do not think i will ever have a go at it
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'~~Abandoned~~ by society
\\Mistaken\\ for ?dead?
Her heart **beats**
But _inside_ she is >dead>'
love those lines, i love this poem, although i think that maybe it's slightly over-punctuated not amazingly just because it just takes away from your words a little, otherwise it's a great write and you read the rules =D lol good luck in my contest =]
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