There are many words you might have said
But we forgave our needs, in harsh morning light
Our history will never live beyond this bed
Rising with sun, we gathered courage, fled
What else is there, without the will to fight?
There are many words you might have said
Would always remain, a story of those not wed
Sometimes you have let go of that soaring kite
Our history will never live beyond this bed
Hungry hearts, twist against bone when unfed
Birds were fattened with our untouched delight
There are many words you might have said
Sorry for leaving your beautiful letters unread
Can't chance to remember my hand held tight
Our history will never live beyond this bed
Years of this, burnished my heart to lead
When you give away everything but the fright
There are many words you might have said
Our history will never live beyond this bed
Author notes
I don't do dark very well and I've never tried to do a villianelle before but I tried! I hope you like it girl!
A contest entry
- Dark: Villanelles ONLY. by bw43.
850 points, ended May 6, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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oooo! Well I really enjoyed this poem, I love the way you talk about sex, but dont, if you no what i mean. You make your point so clear and so easy to follow, and not to mention the flow. Amazing!
Loved it! -
this is pretty good. it is very well written! It is flowing with such strong emotion! I can relate to it. Congradulations on the honorable mention! and keep up your amazing work!!!
Crimson -
"Rising with sun, we gathered courage, fled" - I didn't really like the end rhyme here because it doesn't really seem to fit, for me. It doesn't seem to go with the the line its in, and it's not an enjambment of the next line. Seems forced, in a way.
Other than that, good repetition used in this villanelle, not overdone, at all. A good poem that you have written here.
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Congrats on your honorable mention. I think you did a wonderful job on this, villanelles can be hard. I love the idea of not being able to go past that night of passion. Nice write!
♥
whisper
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i liked a lot the way you ended your stanzas with "Our history will never live beyond this bed" and "There are many words you might have said", alternating these two powerful lines . it gives a feeling of suffocation to me, like you're always locked by these feelings and struggling. Very nice write. Keep up the good work
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Hungry hearts, twist against bone when unfed,
Birds were fattened with our untouched delight...love those lines. The repetative last line in stanzas, "our history will never live beyond this bed...is catching too. great write
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this was really sad. it was strong. i felt it was full of sorrow and maybe some regret as well. stanza 3 was a little weird for me, but beside that it was great
i really enjoyed this piece. thanks for entering and good luck in my contest
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a great villanelle! i enjoyed it! i really loved the lines "Sorry for leaving your beautiful letters unread / Can't chance to remember my hand held tight"
~bee
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nice
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