Were those Hebrews really fertile
Or could we credit their lifestyle?
I cannot be absolutely sure
'Cause there are things I can't ignore.
Egyptian taskmasters made a quota increase
And think pregnancies will have to cease
So 'make the Hebrews too tired at night'
Retrospectively that was not too bright.
Hebrew wives were not blind
And too their husbands very kind
Romantic tea by candlelight
And then they'd have an early night...
Well then, would you believe
Mrs Hebrew did conceive
The Hebrews became a larger nation
Causing Egyptians consternation.
If ONLY they all had TV
Contraception would be free,
To make sure also, if they would own
A computer and a telephone.
And if they had electric light
They'd NEVER have an early night!
Were those Hebrews REALLY fertile,
Or could we maybe blame their lifestyle?
Gwendoline
Mary
Rapley
27th April 2007
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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nice
nice wicked write.
going by current religious law they can only have intercourse one week per month. you guess which week....that's why nowadays the religous breed like mad.
and yes I am an antisemitic bitch.
but assume jews are allowed to be antisemitic. everbody is allowed to hate one's own as a group aren't they?
wrong statement. hatred is always wrong but hating your own is more acceptable
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And if they had electric light
They'd NEVER have an early night!
Were those Hebrews REALLY fertile,
Or could we maybe blame their lifestyle?
Well your take is a view point by you..and I am not ready to debate that one should not have a view point..you are welcome with this wonderful view..well done... -
This is interesting. You have lots of description neatly packaged within the lines and words flowng across the page here. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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clever
I like the way you've put together the quatrains. Like your unusual sub -
LOLOL!!!
This is great! How funny. As for the Hebrews, it seems to me that every slave population tends to be blessed with many children- perhaps because though the taskmasters can take everything else away, the arms of love are still comforting.
Too, large families were and still are looked to as blessed. It was the guy with two kids people looked at funny.
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I be Mr Hebrew
You had to be there to understand -
your closer to the mark then your sarcasm in inclined to think
B D
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Vanessa
Thank you for your encouraging comment. I must admit, I did wonder if maybe I was being close to the real truth but then I thought... nah... I'm just being my normal cheeky self!! -
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I really loved it
it is so edgy to the truth it could almost hurt - but it's history and so true. You did it and us proud.
Blessing on you and your house
B D
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lol...what in the world would cause you to right about this? I was completely blown away by this whole poem...You get an A+ for originality...not sure what else to say in this moment...thanks for sharing...peace and light , Kendal
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I like the message of the poem, though, at times it seemed muddled (most-likely the result of the rhyming) but I didn't like the totality of the piece. I felt the rhyming was off, in more than one instance and it just made the flow unbearable throughout the entirety of the read.
I do like that there was a type of jocular tone to the piece, sort of a "wag in the face" sort of thing - but, I felt, as a whole: it could have been better.
Eh, that's me.
Could be worked on in the rhyming area (if this is in syllable count perhaps tweak it, if not, should be in syllable count - it helps in the rhythm) and perhaps condense the piece to make the message more fluid.
-Nam -
I confess to rarely caring about the message in a poem unless it is outstanding or fresh. I always look at a poem for it's poetic quality first, followed by a can for images, ideas or wording that is tantalizing.
Your poem in form is strict, good thing, but can come off sterile, who cares.
Your rhyme scheme is well done and to add to that the meter is fairly tight, not something often seen these days. There were really only maybe two or three pairings of lines that seemed forced, which again is outstanding given the length of the poem.
Your poem is a narrative which is fine, and historical in nature, with some insights of today which made it a little more interesting.
I would say the two major drawbacks is the lack of show, you are pretty telly throughout most of this poem and that some of the lines come off trying to be clever, which unless it is blatant humor poetry, for me is a set back. Nonetheless overall this is a well written poem.
Jim
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i agree with the comment below, i have no idea what you are trying to comment on, is this a racist poem or is it just insider stereotypes? i dont like it too much but perhaps it is just a bad misunderstanding
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This poem was set in in Egypt about 1500 BC and I think quite a few people had absolutely no idea what I was getting at. However, it WAS supposed to be funny, and there were a handful of persons who understood. I'm not letting that bother me - I have come across poems here and there where I have no idea what it's all about, either. I guess that's just part of life!
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I'll admit to being totally lost with this poem. lol. The first stanza left me with a "huh?" expression that just continued through the whole thing. I couldn't find how Hebrews and Eyptian taskmasters fit together, but gotta say they made for great images in and of themselves. You have a lot of that throughout the piece, but I just couldn't put the story together in my head cohesively. Then again, I'm on pain killers, lol, so that might have something to do with it. I'll have to revist this one in the morning. The images alone are well worth it
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Thank you for your comments. I am getting lots of suggestions as to how to improve on the poem and I appreciate every single one of them, as at times I know there's a problem but I am a bit too close to see how to fix it!
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