[Sugar] what did you expect
I'm only your fucking** toy
Nothing more than a game
Use me, Dump me when you're done
But make sure you pay me well
Cuz sex doesn't come easy to me
It takes a lot to be so low
On the scale...
No dinner tonight .::hon::.
You didn't make a sale of yourself
So maybe tomorrow when you wake up
Another rib will have
poked its way through the skin
&& I'll be beautiful once more
So tonight I'll stand in my corner
&& pretend I'm beautiful
&& that I'm worth more than
20 an hour (Your just a whore)
&& ask you to come home with me
&& get dirty on my stained sheets
You accept, cuz you && me
&& your lovely wife at home
All know your just as slutty as I am
Author notes
x.one last fix.x
i did the protitution one... for those who couldnt tell
i personally think this is kinda... well... crap.
&& im not just saying that cuz i like to put my self down
im saying it cuz theres a lot in there that needed to be said with different words && i couldnt find them && also it seems kinda dry. i dunno, you guys can decide if its good or not, cuz thats your job. im just the one writing it.
edit: 3:04pm EST same day
A contest entry
- && all i want is... your best on the spot dirty pretty by over the rainbow--x.
525 points, ended May 10, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Truth please, is it good?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
yes
that's dirty, dont they at least change the sheets... eew. i liked the vision of an anorexic that you envoked with "another rib bone will have poked..." very dirrty pretty. maybe get rid of bone in that line though, it's redundant, and kinda threw me, but that might just be me.
-
-
i think ill take your advice about the rib bone bit...
now thats youve pointed it out it seems so obvious && i should have seen it sooner lol
thanks
thegutterfairy
-
-
Okie, i like this alot! But i think you have two typos
it take alot should be
it takes alot
pretend in beautiful should be
pretend I'm beauiful.
I also think that perhaps change motherfucker in the first stanza, just because you have fucking already? Just an idea, if you make any changes could you please send a note or message or something
just saying if you made any changes so i can recomment =]
'So tonight I'll stand in my corner
&& pretend in beautiful
&& that I'm worth more than
20 an hour (Your just a whore)
&& ask you to come home with me
&& get dirty on my stained sheets'
i love that stanza, great write =]
good luck in my contest =]
-
yes, yes, yes!
This is beautiful, Enjoyed the theme on prostitution!
Read My Entry?
xx
-
This is interesting..it's emotional. I'm not a huge fan of dirtypretty, think it's became one big ass cliche, personally. But I guess it's just the emotion behind it that counts, so kudos! ~
~
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
