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Tragic Flaw

It’s so weird cause we’re just  like
Romeo and Juliet,
And our families are just as bad
As the Montague's and the Capulet's.

And I’m trying to figure out
By whom I’m hated more
Cause their feelings reflect
Nothing they’ve said before.

Yet I can’t help it
That I fell in love with one of them
And now on this balcony
I can’t ignore these thoughts of him.

So I’ll sit here protected by the branches
Of this tree
And try to determine what it is
He means to me.

And I’ll spill out this love song
to the night sky
And wish upon the stars
That this fire between us never dies.

Cause somewhere out there
An enemy has my heart
And it pains me to much
To think we’ll always be apart.

………………….

But yet here he is
Climbing over the barrier
of my last name
And up the tree to my window
Claiming he feels the same.

And I can’t help but to embrace him
As he crosses this ledge to me
And looking into his eyes
I know here is where I want to be.

But it’s not that simple
Nor can it ever be
Cause this name is just
One thing keeping him from me.
………………………….

Yet that doesn’t matter
Cause we found a way to make this work
And it seems so perfect
because neither of us will get hurt.

So we’ll do away with my last name
And change it so  both of ours is the same.
And with his hand entwined in mine
He’ll help me escape from a prison I was supposed to get use to in time.

………….

But no, I guess the gods just
didn’t want us to be
Just like everyone else who
Forced me apart from thee

So now, you’re standing over me
Touching my cold pulse-less hand
And you pledge to the heavens
That you’ll make them understand.

And with that, you lick the poison
from my lips
Kiss me one last time and let
a small scream slip.

Cause I could have swore I heard you say
Without me, there wasn’t a reason to live another day
So you did what you thought was best
And laid down beside me for your eternal rest,

And as you faded into that cold and lonely abyss
I was suddenly awoken by the taste of your kiss
And before I could stop you, your choice was already made
And with you dead beside there was no reason  for me to stay.

So with the dagger that hung at your side
I kissed you back and said my last goodbye
And promised you I’d see you soon
and bid the world my last a due
So I say farewell,
cause even love suicides go to hell.




Author notes

Putting the "Laura" Spin on an old classic. ***Romeo and Juliet****

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Comments


  • Nomadic Prince
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A well done rendition of a Classic. welcome to the contest only one typo that I caugh
    L23 "pains me to much" should be "pains me 'too' much"


  • Sapphire Rose
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What's in a name? All it is really is letters put together to keep "clans" from separating and whatnot. Names... such annoying things they are. Hard to remember to.

    Long, but I like reading, so thanks for that. Few grammatical errors I found though.
    "your chose was already made", I believe 'chose' should be 'choice' if I'm understand it correctly. And 'suppose' should be 'supposed'. I'm sure there's more, but I can't remember them, especially since I need to sleep now. Otherwise it was a good, shortened re-telling of a classic. Nice job.

    Sweetest of dreams! ~D


  • twlike2012
    April 28, 2007

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    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THAT WAS THE BEST POEM I HAVE READ SO FAR AND I HAVE BEN AT THIS SITE FOR A WHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ALSO LIKED HOW YOU RYMED SO WELL LIKED IT WAS NT A FORCED RYME BUT.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!

  • OurxBeginning
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was quite long, but it was really interesting and deep. I could feel all of the emotion within your words. Well done. ~~