3.
this progressive slipping away
is transforming my brain, and
your sleep-talking diatribes
are rapturous.
2.
this dynamic process, this
climate of thick intermingling
has lit a bonfire of
abundant passion.
1.
and in the controlled fall
i find a mind-evolution,
as the bliss of ignorance
is inverted.
Author notes
kind of a word collage. based on emails i received during a set period of time.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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beautiful darkness (none better)
And within it all, a rich dark center that envelopes us. This is a masterpiece that you should cherish (realize my opinion). Bravo poet. write on!
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What a creative and unique form here. Never seen anything quite like this and loved how you put it all together..
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hi i thought this was good i liked the concept and how you wrote this and its true ignorance is bliss and i thought this was great
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If ignorance is bliss, knowledge is painful, but we don't think about it very often. Counting down to something, it seems - drowning or some execution, or you could look at it from top to bottom and see it taking off. Flying away. Or maybe the parts come from the different emails. Interesting to be inspired in such a way. Nothing helpful to add. Finely done.
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you got this from emails
i wish to be inspried by emails like yours mine are all too boring....its nice to make a connection
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mosaic
I like the way you pieced it together...one of those things where any part of the puzzle is interesting, but put together the finished product makes you stand back and think...well, ok, any of the sections would have, but i had a fun time thinking where these would fit outside of together..
if that makes sense. -
Hmm, the approach to the form here was beautiful. The countdown very purposeful and worked well. The repetition of "this" so often in such a short piece could be changed, in my opinion, maybe the two occurances in the second stanza altered a bit, but otherwise, this was so strong, imagery wise, and the last line was fantastic, played well of the falling of the numbers from high to low. Very well thought out. This is the kind of poem I will defintiely revisit a few times just for the joy of reading it
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Nicole,
Thank you so much for your suggestion. You are absolutely correct. When it comes to short form poetry, EVERY WORD should add something significant and I really need to pare this down further, or at least make some substitutions. Thank you, again, for your careful read and suggestion.
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Collages are fun to put together as it is just bits sand pieces of this and that put togetherh to make an overall statement. Who knows where this could lead - a new fad, perhaps? Unique too say the least, with everyone reaching their own conclusion.
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This is a very interesting
and thought provoking piece
of work. I haven't read you
before, but I think I'd like
to start
I love the style
you've given this poem...very
good. Love, Lane
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As I read through the three parts, I kept revisiting the words "diatribes" and "rapturous." At first I thought the two words were very strange together -- violence and passion. But then I realized that that's exactly the point. And I think the friction between those words sets the foundation for the inversion of the final line. I hope everything turned out okay! (it sounds like everything did. Great poem.
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Didn't like that there weren't any spaces between the numbers and the verse - other than that: I liked it.
Not much else to say .. really.
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i find a mind-evolution,
as the bliss of ignorance
is inverted
yes your findings are vey intriguing and very though provoking as well.....It is a journey of the heart bringing the mysteries of life lying somewhere deep of the core inside with so much intensities and with
a mode to get truths revealed ...This is a very touchy write where only mysteries deals with the beauty of the concept which is responsible for this great presentation.... -
I love it. You can read it anywhich way you like and it works. You clever clever girl you.
Hmm and I do good to walk and chew gum at the same time. hahaha.
Take Care,
Catressa
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wow! This is absolutely incredible! The intelligence that you profess is on another level from most. I love your word choice and you ability to express a thought that is incredibly deep and profound. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Peace and light always, Kendal
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Very clever and original..I love it ~Pastel
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