"Where are you going to now" she asked?
"To the other side of the night" I said
"Taking with me all the nights to come"
Back to the womb,
Back to the tomb,
Back to the new morning.
I will resurrect at the crossroads,
to sell my beads to the shaman,
who walks the desert
awaiting his people.
Brightly feathered for the new moon,
tattered flags will meet the dawn.
As I call your daughters to comfort me.
Distracting their fathers
with tales of bravery and whiskey.
Blood on my saddle!
Father!
Mother!
Where is our home?
Twisted in the sky,
dragged down below the fences,
that held us in place
and killed our spirit.
They were just walls,
permeated with
laughter and tears.
The window
that seemed so clear
is under my feet now,
but the door still has
both it's sides.
Author notes
Confusion,
then clarity.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 76 of 76
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Back to the womb,
Back to the tomb,
Back to the new morning.
I really liked that little section of sentience, Liam.
I've always thought it odd that womb and tomb rhyme so perfectly, and have such opposite meanings and associations....
A beautiful, meaningful poem
from a beautiful man who means so much to me.
-Kelly
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I have always been a fan of the old shamanic culture, so naturally I was infatuated with how you came up on the subject.
Good job! My favorite part was the beginning stanza; it spoke out to you and kept you reading. Lovely, keep up teh good work~ I thought the beginning was amazing, and the ending neatly finalized what you wanted to say. 
Also, your author notes were the best thing to say.
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There are several metaphors in this story, a couple of those stanzas made me think of the American Indians somehow - and I also imagined a desert with a door in it and an Indian chief upon his horse waiting to go through it - maybe it wasn't what your poem was really about its just what came to me as I read through.
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beautifully written and very discriptive, so many great lines this story holds liam, you are a wise elder im sure..x
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glad I saw this
some souls on this earth are much older than the others. we were waiting to come to this earth but we did not come in order. god placed us for his means. some of us are much older and wiser than others. your soul shows through in your work. I have been told I am an old, old soul, I am sure the same of you. this is why the conection, and the understanding of eachothers work. I wonder with so many poets out there how they will pick the masters in years that fallow. if they find your work students will study you in english lit. Wadsworth, Byron, keets, shelly, Poe, shakespier to name a few, all old souls I think.
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Potent and arcane dream piece, with most interesting and sharp images throughout, well and smartly done! bravo...
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once again, the beginning drew me in. i cant even begin to say how much i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it!
Mylee -
Abreath of fresh air is how i would describe the imagery and general theme of the poem and i loved the ending showing that through all the pain and confusion the doors are still open both ways , excellent !!
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Very insightful. Thank you for your entry. Patricia
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Ah, the insight in the last line - you are far older and wiser than your years, my friend. Indeed "the door still has both it's sides." Thank you for sharing.
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Makes me think of Wovoka and the Ghost Dance, and what brought about the need for it. Nicely done.
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Wonderful imagery in this, I parrticularly enjoyed this stanza
I will resurrect at the crossroads,
to sell my beads to the shaman,
who walks the desert
awaiting his people.
I am sure there is far more meaning in that last stanza thn i am seeing at this moment.
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This is truly beautiful! I would love to have awarded this one however i felt the first stanza would have been better like this...
"Where are you going to now" she asked?
"To the other side of the night" I said
"Taking with me all the nights to come."
I felt as though this was part of the dialogue being exchanged here.
Other than that very nice!
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I agree, easy to get lost in the words. Beautifully written!
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Lowell...
You did it again. I loved this, and usually this style of poetry finds me less interested, due to the skill of a lesser poet. You are not one.
""To the other side of the night" I said
Taking with me all the nights to come."
"Tattered flags will meet the dawn.
As I call your daughters to comfort me.
Distracting their fathers
with tales of bravery and whiskey."
Were very strong lines, and I LOVED the ending. Instead of attempting to grasp the overall meaning, I got lost in the words, and found my own meaning..Thank you for that my friend, and wonderful job.
Keep it up Brother,
Brandon
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Where are you going to now" she asked?
"To the other side of the night" I said
Taking with me all the nights to come.
Back to the womb,
Back to the tomb,
Back to the new morning.
In Shamanism, we always look to the Void (the other side of night) to find our way back to rebirth (new morning).Beautiful blending of both the dark and light sides of the soul. Blessings
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very good opening good title very strong ending we are all of us just twisted in the sky thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Again, an amazing poem...
Your imagary is amazing, the pictures I see are fantastic when I read your verse... I cannot find words to define the awe this poem gave me... Thank you and God bless..
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i have enjoyed many times my brother Ten Bears...you are a powerful Poet and a wonderful addition to our group
Niaish for being you!
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This is a poem that will have to be read and reread. The imagery is powerful and thought provoking. I like your style, Niaish for sharing this prize.
Gray Elk
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Great story
Full of drama here. This seems like a journey to the unknown to me. Fine work.
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This write was a bit over my head but after a few times of reading it through, I think I finally got there. Is it a plea for a glimmer of hope to come out of confusion? If I am wrong I apologise, the fault is mine. Niaish for sharing, luckily not all are as unseeing as I.
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"Blood on my saddle!
Father! Mother!
Where is our home?
Twisted in the sky,
dragged down below the fences,
that held us in place
and killed our spirit."
What amazing words! Your poem touched me very deeply. Thanks for sharing
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fascinating! Well written, slightly engulfing, truthfully able to be applied to life... in general. good work.
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i liked how you used words.. i liked the flow but i dint quiet get it all..
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i think this is more confusion then clarity. I thought it was friom the point of view of a native american. Best wishes on all your writing endeavors.
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Excellent!
The title is right on point, as The Shaman is truly lost, and The People are enslaved, and their treasures taken safely to the Other Side. When shall they be set free? In "the new morning", as "the door still has both it's sides", the Shaman will return with treasures for The People. This sounds like a Ghost Dance song, but in English.
To All My Relations. -
Niiiice....
"Tattered flags will meet the dawn.
As I call your daughters to comfort me.
Distracting their fathers with tales of bravery and whiskey."
Loved that, I hate to just say well done, but this is well done.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed it
Creatress
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Great write, I love the way that the words all flow together. The thought put into this write is awesome. Keep up the wonderful penning
Brit Brit
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"And the door still has both it's sides."
WOW!
I don't what else to say about this other than it is a beautiful piece of poetry...
This is absolutley awesome and very well written, the descriptions are excellent leaving the reader to THINK.
Truly excellent write.
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Fantastic write! I read this once before and it still holds its meaning and magic. Mystic in its own write.
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What an amazing piece of poetry! This holds a great depth, and great knowledge of emotion. You skirt the shadows of knowledge, allowing us to learn, interpret, on our own. With our understanding, comes great beauty! Amazing, amazing, amazing!
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this is excellent! talks of a historical event...brings it to life. such vivid imagery used. this is a great write. thank you for sharing this. keep writing! God bless you always
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rare talent!
It's really intriguing the way words just form images. It's not too taxing on a reader with its artefact, but the natural flow makes the concepts seep to the conscience one by one.best regards!
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Wow. I really enjoyed this!
The first two lines were my favorite!
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Wow
this is just...amazing! such imagery, i love love love the ending. the whole poem is so very original, seemingly random imagery at first, that all falls into place leaving you breathless at the poem. amazing, my friend, you clearly have great talent for poetry writing best of luck in the contests
lucy
-x-o-x
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This
is stricken with emotion and has such an unusual form that it stands out to me. I loved it; so different; I read it over and over and there was as many layers in it as an onion (shrek? in the field with the onion?it's a film.), great work. Thanks for sharing! x
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This poem makes me think of someone in confusion, struggling with life; to whom reality smacks all too real with the wrangle of wanting for something better to come. Well worth reading more than once and worth the author placing a brief commentary on his thoughts here I think. You are a deep thinker my friend. Kindest wishes. Anna-Marie.
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Hmmm... Your language wasn't super complex, but some how it seemed to confuse me....
Great story, and great imagery.
Enjoyable piece. -
have you ever just noticed that sometimes there are no words to express what you want to say.
yeah that just happend about this peice.
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great imagery! i really liked it, confusing yet it is perfectly understandable.
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Surreal landscaping here...
I had to read this interesting and colorful poem a few times to grasp its possible meanings... I see it's very well written and imaginative, possessing an earthy grit... Mind-expansion at its best!!!
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Wow, this is intense with imagery and confusing and my favorite line is "the window that seemed so clear is under my feet now." So much to read into this poem, did you have a specific idea in mind? It's like a crazy dream, which I like! But wondering if you had a specific event you were describing?
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wow, for lack of words, and energy, WOW!
I loved it.
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I Can Definitely Read Into This!
This reminds me of The Christian rebirth, and martyrdom! Awesome poem! -
I love the descriptive words and the imagery that they create through the poem. Perfect background too. Confusion at first and then clarity is what I like best here. The first 3 lines totally drew me into this piece of poetry. I love happy endings and was glad that all ended well here. Lovely work!
All the best and brightest blessings,
Charishma
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Thispoem shows are the person was confused and then how the truth set in.
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Amazing, I can see a connection (be it your intention or not) to emotional battles as well as coming from the slum to something more respectable. Great images here, perfectly written.
Bandaid. -
wow like a wondering shaman and the sights the where seen and perceived very nice i love the form pf story writeing through poems very fresh and origainail to read you convey good feelings without being like all the others andthere fun to read you got talent my freind
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I love this!
I like the story...I find it very interesting and cleaver...
I like the, "to the other side of night."
That line made me think of all sorts of ways there could be another side of night...I started thinking about how it always looks like the moon follows you...but it really doesn't...haha...
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Like a soul that’s lost then one day. He finely gets he's bearing and finds him self. With such confusion he wonders into the night. Only to realize what he was looking for was just beneath his feet. But even after all is gone they still have each other. That's what I see and what I understand from your write. Wrong or right. I did enjoy the reading. Thank you (LISA)
"Taking with me all the nights to come.
Back to the womb,
Back to the tomb,
Back to the new morning.
I will resurrect at the crossroads,
to sell my beads to the shaman,"
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I can understand this poem (I think) 1st thing that came to my mine was OZ and tornado, a whirlwind of emotions, I liked this part
Father! Mother! Where is our home?
Twisted in the sky,
dragged down below the fences,
that held us in place and killed our spirit.
great read
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speachless
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I am starting to be very glad that I added you to my favorites list. My first instinct is to try and interpret it and look for some hidden, deeper meaning, and like in your notes, it is confusion then clarity, but not quite. It is one of those poems that leaves me straddling the fence on whether I can take it at face value or ponder it and read it over and over. Kind of like a piece of hard candy that you aren't quite sure of the taste, so you have to keep rolling it around in your mouth. But the imagery is wonderful just like your other write, and seems to flow very smooth. Thank you for recommending it.
"Where are you going to now" she asked?
"To the other side of the night" I said
Wonderful,
~WindsAngel~
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This is a pretty well-written poem and I liked it. It is interesting.
They were just walls,
permeated with laughter and tears.
The window that seemed so clear is under my feet now,
And the door still has both it's sides.
Great job and I hope you keep writing!
~Erin -
OKAY..........................
Well this one is really out there. I like it, but can't really catch the meaning. It is most unusual, but fantastic!
POETDONTKNOWIT
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Wow. See! This is just what I mean. This makes me think of the pied piper in a different way. Very poetic and I could just eat up some of the ways that you said things in this. Also it could be intereperted into a lot of different walks in life, so I think a lot of people could relate to this on thier own level. I think that's one of the most important things in a poem. You did a great job.
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Wow very mystic...I mean very, very mystic. Are you a fan of The Doors? I can sort of get a Jim Morrison feel out of this.... Very good write
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hmmm
i really liked this, it was different from what i typically read. You know, the i hate my life, teenage angst type. I think that this was well thought out, and cleverly written.
My favorite part was "blood on my saddle!"
because it seemed startled.
and added some excitement to the poem.
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wow, this poem is so creative! so many images went through my head as i was reading this, its provocative in the sense that as you read different parts of it, different images come to mind.
Another great poem friend
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provoking imagery and vocablary is good.. had to read it many times to underatnd.. vivid poem
thanx for shring it -
I adore the way you write! You use imagry in a way few can, and it's simply stunning to see. I absolutely loved the line; "Distracting their fathers with tales of bravery and whiskey." Just fantastic!
There is one typo though, "draged" is spelt "dragged"
Take care and thank you for this, it was a treasure to find.
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It's really good, but I'm confused... I don't really understand it. Also, you misspelled "dragged." Good imagery and vocabulary.
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Very interesting and original write. The images are very strong and vivid. Well done. Thank you for entering and good luck.
Jeannie
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bury my heart at wounded knee
this is like a cross-section of a dream buried deep. can't really explain that remark, sorry. the imagery is rich and connected. it makes sense. it is very dreamlike and clear, and usually things like that don't cohere, but yours did, which made it very easy to connect to one whole idea/story. it's logic, but it's dream-logic. still makes sense but in a way that crawls inside the mind and gets stuck and grows and connects to other things. i'm probably repeating myself a bit now. but anyway... i really love this. the "suggestion prompter" is suggesting that i say my ideas about how this poem could improve... i don't think it could. i think it's perfect. that's an easy answer to give but it's the right one. also, bit of a silly point, but i love the choice of background for this. -
wow...very thought provoking. the title caught my eye and i quickly clicked. i am so glad that i did. the imagery is great, and the words you have used in this piece, well you couldn't have chosen them better. it was a pleasure of mine to have been able to read this piece!
~bee
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wow
i am going to bookmark this and give you a better comment later, when i can give it my full attention. just so you know, i loved this.
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Wow
This is very, very good. Sounds pro. I'm definitely going to go check out some more of your poetry!
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I love the first stanza, it was amazing. I lose you a little later on, and yet am still in awe of the phrasing and imagery you used. this is really good.
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kewlness
THIS WAS AWESOME!!! I always look foward to reading your poetry. You have an interesting style and you always use it. This was one of those poems that get me speechless. Great write and Great job!!! -
Loved this poem, it's mystical, like Jim Morrison's poetry (he's one of my favorites). Well done.
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WOW JUST PLAN WOW
You truly have out done yourself with this one confusion of where one belongs, lost in a world that just is not real...the Shaman walks the desert of no return always looking and trying to find, yet answers can not be found they are but walls, but on the other side of the door is truth even then not wanting to truly seeEXCELLENT
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Confusion may be overstated. You convey such great images here: the other side of night, the crossroads, the fences. All are wonderful phrases.
I would suggest commas in the first stanza to offset "she asked" and "I said". Also, a question mark after "Where is our home". And, I agree about the fences line. Perhaps breaking it after sky and place, creating three smaller lines that go with your scheme.
Overall, a very nice read.
Thank you for sharing.
rous
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I like the story this tells.
Maybe to improve the layout you could separate the "twisted...spirit" line into 2 smaller lines.
A very good write.
xx
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