Images flash past and forth,
Sliding memories,
Moments of happiness,
Times of joy.
Shards of the past,
Fractions of what might come.
I see people walking,
Shaking hands, embracing each other.
I want to join their joy,
Though I do not feel like talking.
As tears crawl upon me.
My head hurts,
Eyes are getting wet,
Throat is getting sore
I feel sad,
Left alone
Being abandoned.
The more people I see around me,
The lonelier I get.
Although my friends remind me that I am not alone,
That they are there,
My mind won't accept it.
My consciousness is too busy,
Busy analysing the shards of the past.
Author notes
Dedicated to a girl I once loved, but who sadly left my life.
It describes my memories when seeing her in my mind and how I miss her.
How I can't handle the absence and memories I have.
Written February 11th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Past Memories by SilverxXxShadow.
250 points, ended July 24, 2003, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
once again, thank you
in fact, it was one of my favorite lines as well
-
Yes, I just read the poem again, and yeah, I do like its universality. And also, I really like the line "as tears crawl upon me" ...that's a goosebumps-worthy line right there.
-
commendable
Thanks for the comment el descidichado, much appreciated.
The poem itself is about a specific set of memories of a girl. But you are right, I could narrow it down and introduce some of the specific memories in it.
Although, I also like to keep my poems universal, timeless and recognisable to others.
But thanks for the advice, I shall try to use it in a new poem later on, since this collection is not quite finished yet and still needs 2 or 3 more works (although the events that are described in this collection are faint fragments of the past already).
I'll applaud your comment tomorrow, when I received new applaudpoints
For people who like this poem, I suggest you read the connected work from the same collection at: http://allpoetry.com/list/392 -
The more people I see around me,
The lonelier I get.
Although my friends remind me that I am not alone,
That they are there,
My mind won't accept it.
My consciousness is too busy,
Busy analysing the shards of the past.
Wow, this last stanza just works. It has a very smooth rhythm. The poem is well-organized, you have a good sense of beginning, middle, and end. It flows very well. It might just be my own personal preference, but I would suggest writing about something maybe a little more specific. A more specific, actual memory, I mean. Because here you seem to be just talking about memories in general, and you do that quite well, but I wonder if you could narrow your focus even tighter. -
truely sad piece... i'm sorry you got hurt. it sincerly sucks when that happens andi've had it happen. this is why love is horrible thing and even though i say that i know i dont believe it. damn it! well great write.
-paige- -
This is such a sad piece. I really liked the title...very unique. Love is such a difficult thing to deal with especially when someone you truely care for leaves you. Life has a weird way of putting you down and love can be one of those ways, sadly. I liked this write though...very nicely put. Thank you for entering my contest...good luck.
~Shadow -
Thats sad.
When people we love leave our lives they take a part of our soul and heart with them, sometimes the best part and sometimes the bad parts but either way... It is a part of you and we can't help but have regrets.
Good write.
Natalia -
A well told story of heartache
Shards of the past, I really like that title and the way you use it in the poem is really done well. Being left is always a hard thing to over come, but friends can help, although the mind only wants the one thing back. This poem shows the pain and heartache of being lonly. Thanks for sharing
Steve
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
