On a pale, burning cheek
silver drops cascade to your feet
stumble and fall drunk of pain
laying on the cold soil again
Laughing and lashing you away
Author notes
#2 Dear Amanda, that actually did happen to me (the poem).. well, not really! =]
A contest entry
- an hour to kill and points to share by DancingRed.
300 points, ended April 29, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 Lines only. by Naridill.
300 points, ended May 2, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A cascade of magical options are flying in your face!!!!!! by AutumnsFlame.
415 points, ended June 27, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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*standing ovation* w0000000000tttttttt!!!!!!!!!!
BOUNUS POINTS FOR BEING THE FIRST PERSON WHO READ THE RULES!!!! YAAAYYYY!
Now for my comments on the poem--- It was short, so it didn't make me bored. I enjoyed your vocabulary and description within your 5 lines. Good job and thank you for entering. -
This was brillant, a nice flow within it and you have really captured a story.
Thank you and well done.
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Another execellent piece..perfect. Very well done portrait of the insanity a broken heart can give us.
::where is she, she's made me angry:: joke
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I really liked this...everyone likes a random comment on a poem right? This was one of the most pwerful five lines I have read all day. I think this described insanity very nicely. Good luck in the contest.
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Great descriptions and sublte alliteration which works well in a short piece. I love the ending line - the alliteration and 'ing' words tie it together very nicely.
Maybe 'drunk with pain' would make more sense.. I don't know.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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