I say hi,
and back away,
so shy,
but envelope
your aura so pure
the angels themselves
could fly out....
I say hey there,
and I think
I know you care,
and play this
flirtacious card
just right,
and the angels fly.
In a list
A contest entry
- Hymn to her/she said by windhover3.
2000 points, ended May 9, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i like where you were going with this piece- would love to see you eliminate some of the filler words- like so etc.. it has some really good ideas with the angels- a creative little niche you've built for yourself in this contest
m -
wow, this is amazing.. you have such a talent for writing things so simply yet they read as if they were a novel..if that makes sense! another briiliant piece...good luck!
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This was a wonderful piece , full of powerful emotions. Best of luck to you in this contest.
Vsutton -
This is good
The dance of two yet unknowing the direction in which to go yet feels the excitment of the moment so pure -
short and sweet
i liked this piece! its so cute and full of wonder and happiness! "but envelope / your aura so pure / the angels themselves / could fly out...." those lines just took my breath away! best of luck to you in your contest! i am sure that you will do great!!! thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece. i am so happy that i was able to come across it!!!
~bee
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embodied and simple
If she's real she sounds amazing... -
one clap... thats all you get... too short
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