With somnolence unwanted fraught,
Her eyes so bloodshot view the dusk
As murderer of sunlight fair;
Its growth malevolent she dreads.
For that is when he will return,
His fingers winding through her dreams,
They strum a violent melody;
His woven nightmare floods her soul.
Her terror peaks beyond control,
His blatant pleasure in her fear
Will draw him back night after night . . .
She'll dread the sleeping all her life.
Author notes
Opt. 2 Do I need to say which words?
Iambic tetrameter, for anyone who cares . . .
A contest entry
- Clicky clicky - c'mon in to my kick ass contest! no.2 by Kahliya.
900 points, ended May 8, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Beautiful!
Wow amazing stuff! I love the words you use and the imagery they create. <3
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wow. It's such a good poem. I love it. Great job. I hope you keep writing!
~sakura~
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Bandits United!
...I'm panting to catch up here ~ sorry I'm late!
Congratulations on winning the Gold trophy for this dark and atmospheric piece. I do so hope this particular dream weaver stays out of MY dreams!
Well written. Nicely done. Keep up the great work!
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BANDITS UNITED!
Reminds me of a dream I used to have of an enormous hairy spider spinning webs to catch me, it always crawled slowly towards me in my nightmares, I would always wake myself up screaming, and the rest of the household
I loved the chill factor of this poem, it made me have goosebumps up my arms, It's very worthy of the gold trophy...I like writes that make you feel fearful through thought provoking words...an impressive write, thank you for sharing it with us here today...congratulations on winning the gold
Love and smiles...
~Lilac
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Bandits United!
Oh this is so very scary~ dang AWESOME write! Totally deserving of GOLD! GREAT JOB! -
Creepy. I could picture it in my own view. Great use of words. I loved it.
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wow, great job! i am so glad that i actually found the time to get on AP, because this poem was great i love the use of Iambic tetrameter and yeah you so deserved the gold, congrats and bandits united!!
XOXOX and God Bless,
OnlyInMyDreams
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BANDITS UNITED!!
Haunting. Great word choices, and super job tackling the meter. That last line really sticks with you. A great close to a great piece. >pixxie<
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Bandits United! A great write with vivid imagery, and description. An almost haunting piece because I wanted to look over my shoulder after I read it. What's a lambic tetrameter? I think I may have heard of that one before, but I've never written one. A great entry for the Spotlight, enjoy it!
~M~
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Bandits United!
Gr8 work on this poem! I liked you use of grammer and phrasing to describe the subject of this piece. Really good work. The dark feelings that surround this piece are really poetent and completely expressed.
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BANDITS UNITED!
WOW, congrats on the gold, and may I say that it is well deserved indeed.
The previous comments have pretty much said everything that I want to say about this, and I don't really wish to repeat it. I will repeat one thing, though, which is that this is an AMAZING piece.
I think I'm going to bookmark it...
Carrie
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BANDITS UNITED !!!
A unique and intrigueing poem. I found it to be rather Poeish with a touch of Alfred Hitchcock to add to the mystery of it. From the title I had expected a nice dreamy poem, what a surprise to read this treasure of a write. And I see you won a well deserved Gold trophy, Congrats!!
Excellent piece
Dee
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Bandits United
Congrats on Gold, It's a golden write for a golden poem! I totally love this write! you have penned a beautiful write!
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Bandits United!
This is really an amazing poem and something I didn;t expect from the title. I thought it be something fairy dreamlike but this seems more like a recurring nightmare. Congrats on the gold. -
Bandits United!!
Wow!! Powerful piece You have penned!!
Congratulations on Your Trophy win
Beautifully done!!
Thank You for sharing this
Many blessings to You!
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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bandits united!
I love meter! Good description, especially in the second stanza. Congrats on your well earned gold!
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Bandits United!
Wonderful piece, congrats on the gold. Nice rhythm and flow. Loved the darkness in this piece. great work, hugs, Bunny
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Bandits United!
Firstly congrats on being spotlighted and congrats on the gold!
This is a rather interesting piece you have penned here. The metre is smooth, and some of the imagery very refreshing. Thank you for sharing.
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oops - forgot to add these...
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Bandits united!
An introspective and well done write, some of Poe intermingled with hitcock, very nice imagry and worthy of the gold!
JD
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Bandits United. This is your special day in the spotlight - congratulations - have a great one! Great poem you have penned here - and a gold winner to boot! Way to go. No one wants dreams like this all the time - wouldn't want to sleep either.
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Bandits Unite
I love this write. It's very thoughtful and within a perfect meter. I haven't seen your name around much here but I expect I will see it much more often. A beautiful melody sung to a perfect tune! Well done. I will bookmark you.
x Stef x
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Bandits United !!!
Real strong writing love this the words flow with ease and the imagery is grand...Congrads on the Gold I must say it the last stanza for me that hits a strong cord Great writing...P.S. enjoy your spotlight today
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BANDITS UNITED !!
Wow, what a fascinating write! And this is a word bank poem?! You have incorporated the given words into your poem so well that I couldn't have told it is one...
A very well-deserved gold trophy I'd say, earned with the wonderful imagery and wording. And the meter was also great.
Thanks for sharing - I'm glad I have read this! Keep up the great work!
Annie
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Bandids United.
Great title and I thought the last stanza the very best,
drawing him back, "night after night" well won gold.
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Bandits united!
Wow... this is so completely amazingly written, it sent shivers up my spine! It definately deserved that trophy, and well done on the good work with the form too!!! Great job!
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Bandits United
For that is when he will return,
His fingers winding through her dreams,
They strum a violent melody;
His woven nightmare floods her soul.
I see the Gold in this
Very lovely
Rick
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BANDITS UNITED!
An eerie write. Good imagery, flow and tone. Good depth of feeling. Good word choice. Nice alliteration. Nearly perfect iambic tetrameter. A well crafted piece.
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Bandits United!!!
Excellent! Great Imagery! Leaves a whole lot to the imagination. Wonderful job! Congrats on the Gold! Well deserved!
love & light
Debbera
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OH MY GOSH BANDITS UNITED!
I am struck with admiration and chills, 'specially from your second stanza! Whew! Those images put a noose around the neck!
Totally fine and chillin' poem!
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Amazing
I loved this poem and yes I got the iambic tetrameter
The nightmare was very vivid - the fear was very real with a hint of something deeper while not giving away too much which leaves it open for people to relate according to their own experiences.
Beautiful
Thank you and good luck
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