There's a touch of something else in those beautiful eyes,
so strong that it shows through even my faded photograph.
The crown of roses he wears seem to twine about him resentfully,
unwilling to conceal his horns.
If that is what they're hiding.
Today, when we saw him again, his stately appearance was
so anachronistic standing next to the stereo speakers.
The words he whispers caress those who hear them,
his tongue carefully forming his elegant, comely words.
The beat of the music tries to drown him out,
just like it always has, but this time was different.
He hasn't been home in fifteen years, and
we weren't ready for him this time.
We'd forgotten.
So now we sit, we work, we live at his wish, his whim.
Not even our beloved purple sky can save us now.
Yet, in the midnight dark, there are some who believe in him,
and their treacherous murmurs are infecting our souls.
They tell us: what if he's not as bad as we thought?
What if he's really our saviour?
Author notes
I would love a critical review on this; I like it, but it always helps to hear someone else's opinion.
--
I chose option #1. I don't really like the title; I'll think of a better one soon & change it.
A contest entry
- To Live and Breathe and Never Die Again by pointlessdayz.
525 points, ended April 30, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's A Contest... For Poetry. Whoah by Exodus.
600 points, ended November 5, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty is appreciated!
Comments
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I do think that the title is a little inadequite given the wonder of this poem. I'm not really sure what I could say that could help you better this. I think you have a little bit of tense confusion in the first stanza but other than that it was lovely from start to finish. I would probably add a line break or two after the end of the piece to make the readers stop and think about your poem, but that's very much a personal choice, some people prefer not to. I really enjoyed reading this and I'm glad you decided to enter. Thank you.
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now this one's got me thinking... I want to know who this person is that you're talking about! great job! I love it when someone's work makes me think. Thanks so much for entering my contest!
-alex
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