The day I saw you there lying,
I really felt like crying
The day I saw you dead,
suffocated by the sheets upon my bed
Copyright
{c} 2007
Hannah Duffin
{All Rights Reserved}
A contest entry
- Four AMAZING lines by Lj-.
335 points, ended May 6, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hmmm Okay, I am not one for dark poetry! I will say that I like this....short poems are sssooo challenging....you have to make some sort of impact and you are so limited. You did well here but I do have one minor suggestion! If you would like it, message me and I will share it with you...if not...no harm! As this stands it is good.
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Very clear. I like the repeating of 'the day' in likes one and three.
Thank you for entering,
Good luck. -
Definently Dark
It would be sad if it were true, still your subject is awesomely portrayed. ~peace
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