Give Me Eyes
Forging through the wind and rain,
blocking out the hurt and pain,
just to get to someplace great,
somewhere void of power and hate.
Though life has been a tidal wave,
I shall not "die" for I am saved,
and though my search for peace is done,
I must find someplace besides that one:
Spiritual peace may help me out,
but still I need a better life turnout,
through the wind and through the flame,
and still the story is the same.
Hurt once more, and then again,
Jesus, why can't you let me win?
I pray, I'm devoted, and still I'm beat,
sitting in the torture seat.
But then I realize I must have faith,
to find my way upon this path,
to win the gold, to be the one,
the one whose light shines like the sun;
So send me through more wind and rain,
forge me through the hurt and pain,
give me eyes so I can see,
"Tell wind and fire where to stop but don't tell me."
Author notes
quote 2
A contest entry
- Quote Inspiration - Win a One Month Silver Membership! by Sharcu.
450 points, ended June 2, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Commentary
To begin with, the last line of stanza two can be looked as well as written like this to get a deeper meaning of thought:
Though life has been a tidal wave,
I shall not "die" for I am saved,
and though my search for peace is done,
I must find someplace besides this one.
(add a period instead)
Secondly, a question: What is quote option number two?? If I remember, one of the rules asked that you place the full quote in your author's notes.
Lastly, as an overall feeling, this write pulls on those possibilities many never try to think about even in the heat of battle. Thank you for entering and keep penning
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"Give Me Eyes
Forging through the wind and rain,
blocking out the hurt and pain,
just to get to someplace great,
somewhere void of power and hate."
the begining of this piece was really powerful!
I absolutly hate rhyme, but this didnt bother me that bad! it wasnt sticky at all, and it didnt seemed forced. Grteat job!
your word choice was a little blan, but you rhymed so I know its harder to be too impulsive in that part. This was a great read with great emotion, good luck in the contest!!!!
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Very good write
Very good choice of words and presentation... the flow of the rhyme is present but not overpowering... I liked most the part "I shall not "die", for I am saved,...". I enjoyed reading this piece of work... very good piece of work......
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The first time I ead through this..the rhyming just grabbed me and said "pay attention to me!!!!". So I had to re-read it in order to get the full effect of the words.
I thought this was blunt, it's not. You kept up the rhyming scheme..which I know if it were me I would lose track of it.
This is a journey of the soul. An original way to interpret the quote. I would never expect this quote to result in a calm, relaxed poem...a peace, but yet there is still a road not yet taken. A road not yet explored.. I liked where you used the quote. It made the finale quite good. -
this speaks volumes about your heart and soul. I believe you are on the right path for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. We teach other's how to treat us...If we love ourselves, we will attract that same love into our lives from others...great job! I hope we can talk more soon...peace and light, Kendal
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