Oh, my head swims you
even as night lays me to rest
there’s a drowning silence
a prayer, a wish- stained sigh.
that maybe we were in
too deep
and you’ll run back
through time
under a hoody moon,
step off the stage
leave the guitar solo for
‘Sleepwalk’ with
a smiling bass man
to dance with me instead;
I’ll smell your neck
English Leather, warm,
finger the loop on
your shirt before I
look up.
but lines of life map our eyes
and I see the love
I handed over to her
without knowing
What a gulfing chill
that we know less
about what we are now
and not enough of who we were
before the fallen ebb.
Author notes
The one with the blue flannel.
In a list
A contest entry
- Love That Just Wasn't Meant To Be by angela.di.carta.
550 points, ended May 17, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
"My Blue Room"-- reflections of Adolescense
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This poem has a lot of interesting symbolism and imagery.
Good write
-Thank you for your entry, Angi Terese -
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. Thank you.
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I can't exactly comment on construction and presentation (I'm not that experienced). So, about the feel...
The emotions are strong and deep. Longing and regret after sacrifice are finely expressed in those phrases. I loved the way you described the wants.
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My head swims you
Is a line all of your own I'd say. It is pure poetry.
Smile,
Judy
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The first element I noticed was how superbly you used your metaphor and image throughout the poem. Thus it became the central focus and it's use powerfully symbolic.
It keeps the poem focused and yet adds layers of meaning and colors to the images; in short: it enriches the poem.
Many people would have stepped back from this and considered it a masterpiece.
But you still like to chip here and there; add a bit of spit and polish.
I will leave you to it then, goodness knows you have coped well enough without my pennies in your purse.
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I like the descriptive phrases you use: a wish-stained sigh, lines of life map our eyes. Also like "step off the stage ..." for its imagery.
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Thank you...........so much.
Warmly, CookieZ
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The last verse plucked a chord in my heart. You put into words what my inner voice has always known.
I fine piece
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I can't say I understand the entirity of this piece. But I do note the love that is given through sly words and congruent tones. I enjoy the "map our eyes" that draws done to the small touch of unquestionable reign. Well done.
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Oh my Beloved Friend!
How well you back-track when you do! It is like picking up (on) strings ... Life, this very swift strum of slow rediscoveries ...
So sensual this poem. I simply adored
finger the loop on
your shirt before I
look up.
So coy, yet so subtle, so YOU: forever the intuitive dramatic.
My Muse sings De-ja-vu ... de-ja-vu ...
I love your work. I shall always love it. Please write more.
And: some collaborative work would be wonderful, yes.
Love
Myra
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that maybe we were in
too deep
and you’ll run back
through time
ah, if only we could! Excellent lines. But I especially lovbe the title- you just can't beat that- I vote that the best ap title on all the titles I have seen on AP.
. Rewarded 4
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It is a very good piece. U have used language so well. There is romance, lol, u expressed it so well. Keep this up.
. Rewarded 4
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Good work
Wow thats all ican say very well written you deffinently got ur pont across
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