This tiered palace of the gods,
long ago left barren of life,
by those corrupted,
by their seat upon a throne of skulls.
As i walk through these,
long condemned halls of shadow,
i see in my minds eye,
the ancient battles of the people,
the blood spilt at the hands of many,
to further the ends of the few.
These halls run ripe,
with the bones of the innocent,
the broken dreams of the downtrodden,
the stench of unnessicary death.
And i think to myself,
the horrors that took place,
the needless and senseless...
waste of humanity,
how could they let this happen?
Why did they let this happen...
And the misery defeats me,
and so i turn to leave,
yet i cast one final glance,
at the pagoda of bones.
Author notes
Another Coveted Starlight production (now Electric Starlight)
In a list
A contest entry
- Twenty Titles, Twenty Entries. by shirk.
550 points, ended April 27, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - no options- no way out: APRIL by duke of balabamas.
1560 points, ended May 16, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
-
You're too good. It's not fair.
-
Superb Plus +
'tis a very fine write, indeed. You've expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
-
awesome work kept me wowzers
-
This was awesome!!
I felt as though I were walking in this historic monument, as I read your poem. I could imagine what triumphs and tragedies occurred in many different ages. You wrote this poem so well I wish that I could give it a higher rating that simply three.
Great job!!
-
wow. This one was a pleasure to read. I enjoy these types of poems, they make me think.
And this one flowed easily, and came into my mind quite easily.
Great job! Amazing use of language~!
Keep up the good work. -
Very interesting. I loved the flow, it wasn't rhyming, and that made it even better. I really liked how the title was the last line, I think that really brings a poem together, and leaves a person feeling like they understood the poem. This was very satisfying to read, I wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked on the title. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. Thank you so much for your superb poem. KP
-
Go figure
Yeah ... if they could build a building like that, you'd think they could handle the 'internal' issues better than you describe. Apparently, the 'internal' stuff is hard. I guess that's what you're writing about. You raise a good question. Why does man have such a hard time managing the internal world? Why does it erupt in destruction? Thanks. -
This poem makes me want more. I want to know the context, what happened historically here to make this temple a "pagoda of bones". You stirred my curiosity. That's a good thing.
-
Awesome. I loved the fact that I could acually visualize this place.I feel bad when I don't critique poems, but its so good i can't think of anything you'd need to work on lol. Great job on gettin bronze! You really have a way with words!
-
Hey you're pretty good!
Usually when I come across someone new they aren't that great.
You're a different matter though.
You developed your metaphor consistently and developed it well. I think the simplicity of this is what made it so good.
I'm impressed.
I have a contest called 'Teen Idol' right now I'm in the middle of hosting the 5th season. But by next time if you aren't past 19 yet then maybe you could give it a shot.
And if not, then I host Adult Idol, and maybe you could give that a shot. lol
[yeah, it's convenient]
-
unnessicary should be unnecessary. besidest that completely superficial nitpicky detail, excellent work!
I especially love the title and the last line. I love that phrase "pagoda of bones". I need to go reflect on this, as great work should cause the reader to do.
Again, excellent write sweetie!
-
I really liked this poem
the words just express themselves elucidely (sp?)
Well spoken...
I hope you keep writing so I can keep reading.
☻
-
wow this is amazing the imagery and words are just outstanding totally and utterly gobsmacked by this very very well done to you xxxx
-
this piece has a strong pull. the imagery is tight and your wording ,though almost pedestrian, comes across with depth, other than a couple of spelling errors(baron-barren unnessicary-unnecessary) there isnt anything I can say bad about this piece, well thought out, well spoken and well done...now get to cleaning the bathrooms
...peace Terry
-
BRILLIANT PIECE
STUNNING WRITING. AND THE IMAGERY IS JUST GREAT. WONDERFUL 'ANGST' THIS IS. THE FLOW WAS BRILLIANT. I LOVE THE USE OF WORDS IN THIS PIECE. WELL DONE FOR THIS. I ENJOYED READING THIS A LOT.
WAYNE
-
This is wonderful! I love it. Smart. Tight.
Polished. Thoughts are transitioned well,
like a reflection; this projects wisdom,
an uncommon art of life.
Got a bone..lol
As you might know, punctuation isn't needful
with poetry. Especially with this one. My schools
of training have finally reached my pen in hand as
well with this little 'picky'.
I'd rid nearly MOST of all your punctuations
so it can fly better.
-
What a unique and intrigueing poem, Phil. Is this really true? What an eerie feeling it must be to walk through this place.
It looks beautiful in the picture but the story belies its beauty. I could sense the presence of forlorn spirits as I walked this baren place, the ghosts of so many people, slaughterd for naught except for the greedy and merciless minds of their dominators.
Where is this place, if it's real. The picture looks like maybe Cambodia? I'd like to read more about it... do you maybe have a link?
Excellent work, and congratulations on the trophy
Dee
-
definitely moving and universal in its application, it is interesting how this is not only relates to one incident but can relate to many
-
very good write.i can draw so many different trains of though from this.it is a superb write.thank you for shareing.
H.
-
oh wow. this poem is touching and so true.. so much bloodshed.. of the innocent. very well thought out. simply brilliant!
-
yeeey congrats on the bronze! u better not change your freaken name again... or else?!?!!?
-
Such an indepth vision...it is like your words took me to another time. And I love that!
I look forward in reading more.
debbie
-
This is really superb. I really liked the play in the first stanza on baron. At first I thought it was just spelled incorrectly. But upon pondering it, it became a brilliant attritute to the piece. Setting the stage of the monument very nicely. I really enjoy how this sort of forces you to confront the horrors that have taken place and still see the sanctity of it all. Very impressive piece!
-
really fukin coooool
love all of it!!!!!!
mmmmpagoda =]
hehe well done,
BEST of luck =]
-
Name in the authors box
Adding your comment:
1 - 25 of 25
