I sat above you as your body was raised
Out of the hallowed ground you came,
A destroyed wreck of what you used to be
The beautiful moon shone upon your decaying body
and a sinister smile made it's way across my face
You were alive again,
in my arms again
on this hallow land
this haunted place
where only the likes of me and you stay
We danced in the moonlight,
The count and his mistress
Together after the demon Death stole her from his immortal arms
"I love you", he told her
but out of her come no words
To acknowledge that she felt the same
Could it be that in her passing she felt this love no more
THe moon began to set,
and she layed back into the ground
as the sun rose and the count retreated
Knowing that at midnight this will all happen again
The love, the fear, and all that come with it
All within this vandilized graveyard....
Author notes
This is what I have come up with...
A contest entry
- Clicky clicky - c'mon in to my kick ass contest! no.2 by Kahliya.
900 points, ended May 8, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
this is a different take on necromancy. a raised corpse that had no urge for brains. jokes aside, relating to these feelings is something everyone will eventually do. Best of luck in the contest.
-
I'm not sure what the contest called for and, quite frankly, I'm too lazy to find out. lol. Though you have some fantastic (and creepy) imagery in this piece, I have to say I felt a little distanced from it due to how far out there the subject matter felt to me. Of course, that doesn't mean it wasn't written well or anything of the sort, just that the subject was a little too far from reality for me. I suppose, if I stretched, I could take it metaphorically and not literally, but it only worked for a bit. But still, this really (and easily) evoked some creepy feelings, and despite the kind of fantasy feel this had for me, I was able to draw some inspiration from it and see a real-life situation in there. I enjoyed the dichotomy between the two. Very nice
-
this poem is so sad :9 and slightly sick too x but a good write
-
Wow very mysterious - with an air of the macabre
I loved the feeling I got while reading this piece
Excellent job and great imagery.
Thank you and good luck -
Your imagery was awesome, and your poem has a very nice flow to it. I was a little thrown off by the sudden change of perspective, and I think your poem would make more impact if you kept to either 1st person OR 3rd person, rather than switching (I liked the 1st person perspective myself).
-
-
I see what you mean....I may change it...If my computer will allow me too. I will revise it though and put it on here someday....
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
