he was like a
fly that clung
to a cable in the wind
blow hard
lard infested
fruit of plenty
fast food
in slow motion
around the middle
a rainbow of poverty
in television dreams
pop culture plum
and garlic
tucked neatly in
necklace turned choker
fear and envy
trapped beneath
lip gloss and liposuction
the magazine said he should
if stood on
poem or battery
all-a-mangle in
deception and
good fortune
a rainbow of poverty
in television dreams.
A contest entry
- To Live and Breathe and Never Die Again by pointlessdayz.
525 points, ended April 30, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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interesting reading this one. Makes me think and see a lot of different things, ways of reading it, and that is always a good thing. The words seem to dance around in a nice way, not what most would call a dance, but one all its own.
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masterful
great poem... I hope you win
I'm new to this so I'm trying to learn from more experienced poets. Keep writing and I'll keep reading and maybe you can teach me a thing or two.
Have a good one......Erin -
noir glossy like the magazine. I'd like to be on Tv, sometimes I have this dream that when I was a kid I was on a television show but I ain't no more. Maybe I'm odd.
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"A rainbow of poverty / in television dreams". I rather liked that line. It flows nicely, and it's good to say aloud. Very nice imagery, extremely good work, keep it up
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You surely have captured the essence of modern life and the culture that we live in perfectly with this. The style of it was quick and punchy and I liked it very much.
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WOW. Very nice. Very different. Something I was not expecting and you have done an amazing job with it. Keep up the good work
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Different
but I liked it. So much imagery on what you were saying. Classy in your own style. Gr8 job!
Ephiphany
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This is a poem to provoke
thought, to jostle around
ideas and images...I like
this very much - your style
is one I particularly love.
Lane -
amazing. wow, what commentary. so succint really. our culture is that shallow.
this flows well too. its sublimating. effective
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original and smooth
Your use of words made this really stand out, esp. the part about the necklace.
I hope you do well in the contest
and keep writing! -
Wow, I loved it Auntie you've done so well...I agree with the flow as well on this piece. Very well done.
Kari -
This had a nice smooth flow and for me it was a wonderful read, certainly my pleasure to read this evening, keep up the good work!
~Tia
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the mood of your poem is in abundance great write :-D
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nice :-D
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Wow. I like that this isn't bitter, it shows what life is. Nice work!
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Wonderful Writing
This is a wonderful piece of writing. It is deep and flows really well. Powerful piece of writing.
Wayne
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You know, this is a great piece that has a message on a social scale without sounding preachy or condescending or snotty. And that's when I love the piece, when the facts are just out there and the reader is allowed to make his or her own judgements instead of being forcefed the judgements of the author. That takes skill, and you've mastered it here. The first four stanzas set the stage, and the rest just drive it home for the reader.
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I liked the use of repetition in this piece. Expecially how the title was also the last line of the poem. (I have a tendency to do that too, so I think it's cool that other people do that!) The imagery in this piece was awesome, and somehow the background seemed to fit perfectly. Don't know what it is about this piece that I like so much, but it's awesome nonetheless. Thanks for entering my contest!
-Alex -
Wow... this is intensly vivid. The imagery in this piece is powerful conjuring alot of different emotion. Very good!!
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call me stupid (i am only 15) but this poem confused me a little x would you mind explaining it a little to me because its bugging me hehe x
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Some word bank words seem to have nothing in common, yet poets are able to realate these words into a poem that flows, and makes sense. Each with such different ideas as well. Kudos to you for doing just that. Liked the repetition of the two lines again at the end - relates it all back to the title.
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Uniquely written...
I'm not usually a fan
of wordbank poems, but
I think you did a terrific
job with this task.
Good luck in the contest
Love, Lane -
the refraining stanza makes me think of the sitcoms that seem to romanticize the modern bohemian.
overall it feels like a collage, random thoughts that occur as one flips through the pages of a magazine, perhaps.
there's an element to this that feels like a criticism on the facades of modern culture (but then every culture throughout history has had its facades i suppose--just that some of them seem more 'real' to us today by comparison).
one thing is for certain. no matter what, we humans fall into rolls. and this will lead to class and cultural conflicts eventually, one way or the other. -
Now the penny has dropped, it was written from a wordbank. That explains why I found it so difficult.
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I love your style- it is very simplistic and uses as little words as possibe to get the point across. The images are brief, direct, and strong... I must give you applause for this piece. You did a wonderful job, I am suprised it was out of a wordbank. Favorite line; "fear and envy trapped beneath lip gloss and liposuction
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You did this with a word bank? Great job. I want to have a contest soon; maybe it will be a word bank. I like rhyme though and that's hard to do. Anyway, this was great. Rainbow of Poverty...great line.
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I love your words you used in this poem. Very nice write, vivid images for sure.
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lard infested... now that produces a vivid image... Nice word choice there :-D
lip gloss and liposuction... love that combo.
This was a really nice poem. You chose nice, vivid words that produced a concrete image in the reader's mind. Good job on the poem and I wish you luck in the contest -
Wow. That last line is so powerful:
"a rainbow of poverty
in television dreams."
It's so sad how dying children get squished between the new Ford Model and the oversized Big Macs.
"fear and envy
trapped beneath
lip gloss and liposuction"
The more I read this the more I love it. Fantastic write!
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It is crazy how culture uis telling everyone how they should be.......it causes so many problems in our society.....I know I am guilty of letting the magazines tell me what to do.
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very unique! I can't say that I have read anything like this before. I like that freshness you bring to the table. Thank you for sharing. Peace and light, Kendal
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interesting!
What a unique take on modern life - "a rainbow of poverty in television dreams" - how many sad and lonely lives are passed in this state! Well done!!
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bravo
wow i love this poem, its funny but deep at the same time BRAVO!
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