Rocking slowly; arms wrapped around self,
A single tear drops as I heard the voices whisper softly;
"Open your eyes, come out and play, we miss you."
And so I did;
To find I was alone rocking slowly; me as one.
A contest entry
- 5 Lines only. by Naridill.
300 points, ended May 2, 2007, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Mania by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SemiQuickie Prewrite. by Mango Memories.
400 points, ended November 20, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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bravo
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Interesting
Kind of off-setting concept but at the same time, understandable as well because you can take several different images into several different ways -
Alone can be good and bad..in this case its bad. But I think many can relate with this. As humans we all have to be alone to center our inner being. But when we do not want to be alone it can be the worst thing. Nicely done, congradulations on the gold, thanks for sharing
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hmmmm...this seemed like a rather short poem at first glance...after the read though, it seemed to say more than 20 lines could have captured I think. Great job...I truely enjoyed the write and hope that you will continue to trace me with numerous other works. Best wishes!
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hey thats great! keep it up
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"To find I was alone rocking slowly; me as one. "
that line at the end.. really finishes off this piece good.
this is a great short little write
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Expertly Constructed! Had a very nice flow. Its very difficult(for me at least) to communicate ANYthing in 5 lines. You did so beautifully!
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WoW this is some really deep writing
I can clearly see why it won a gold.
Great job. I enjoyed,
I got to g oI think I hear little voices calling me,
just joking LoL.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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sometimes those voices inside of speaking to us
keep us sane...
especially in those times of loneliness!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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wow thats beautiful. congrats on your trophy on the poem too.
i really like this line:
"Rocking slowly; arms wrapped around self,"
dont stop writing
it helps keeps us some what sane with all our jumbled up emotions bottled up inside us.
Kat
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many a man have gone insane in the quest to 'become one'. congratulations on your trophy.
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lovely
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Wow. This was amazing. Says so much, and still lives everythimg open for interpretation. Awesome. I especially loved these lines:
"And so I did;
To find I was alone rocking slowly; me as one."
Really cool.
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whoa i really feel those words " open your eyes, come out and play, we miss you. and so i did, to find i was alone rocking slowly; me as one. Brilliant lines very moving poem congrats on the gold
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wow...this is so sad, I was moves!
And so I did;
To find I was alone rocking slowly; me as one.
this line in particular made me want to cry. you have managed to put so much emotion and passion into so few words. In this case, I must say I think that less is more. Your Punctuation was great. ( I'm really fussy about that) Huge Congratulations on your gold, you deserved it, your poem is brilliant. Definatly one of the most moving I've read so far on AP. Fantastic work, congratulations you talented poet
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this is unreal i love how much you have made a strong message with such a short poem. is it like you are a sleep, rocking,, only to wake up doing the same thing. or that this preson cant tall the diffrencw , if they are a sleep or awake..
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I love this
This is such a good song. -
Oh my....
this is so very beautiful...
I do believe I have been there before...and...it's such a wonderful feeling when you open your eyes...and you realize...you really are okay...
Sometimes less is more...and this is the case here...
xoxo
Sacrificial Love
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this was very well written, and makes ones soul feel alone just reading it, the mental image was that great! It was awsome!
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This surprises me. I really enjoyed it, but there's so much more than I first see when I read it through. The Insanity of Solitude.
Awesome. Well done. -
Congratulations!
It is said that those of us who live alone often talk to ourselves.
I've found this to be true, but much more satisfying since I started to answer myself back!
Shenton -
WOW!
Dear Amorphous,
As one who growing up had a make-believe friend - I know of the world where loneliness lives!
Wonderful 5-liner!
Congrats on the GOLD!
Tang
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My Gawd, I am in love with this poem. So brillantly written, this poem has opened up so many thoughts in my mind and just sent my head on a wild goose chase for the better.
This is awesome. Such a work of art that shines a bright picture through the words.
Thanks and well done.
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Wow thankyou DwellingInDarkness .. I'm glad that it was read for what it was ... What a place we can all head too now and then
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