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finite completion

I remember that russet daylight,
you walking, under wounded skies,
those quivering lips burning my roots
and braided stranding trailing behind.

Don't deny me the words to articulate
                                                            the sensation of watching you
you tied the knot clumsily
bracelet around necklace that you wore

choked for words I felt life retching
into my neglected branches, buried anchors,
a partner to share these breathless views,
a lover to sway as one in adversity.

Matrimony built on mutual calm,
lying in my arms, slipping through my grasp,
watching clouds race away
and agitated shards of grass - frozen shut.

  

I know spring will pick us apart
to the overwhelming life you deserted

leaving a faded happiness,

waiting for death to cut me loose. 

Author notes

The death of one is the life of another.
(by jakeofspades)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Firequeen
    May 3, 2007

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    The imagrey in this was fabulous.
    You told us a story beyond the picture.
    Fabulous job
    thanks for the wonderful entry.
    Fire


  • starwing
    May 2, 2007

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    again i am sooo glad i used a different pic! My first write was using this image and somehow it was deleted....LOL... this was a very sad tale... i enjoyed reading it...peace and harmony...desi


  • swanridur
    May 2, 2007

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    I enjoyed reading this very much....... I love it when after the first read I can go back again again to find new gems that were previously missed. I particularly like the line 'matrimony built on mutual calm', that although the relationship is forced it now has an inevitable calmness which mutually benifits both, all sruggle resentment gone. Thank you jakeofspades. SR


  • jo-el
    May 1, 2007

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    the imagery here in all fairness eclipses the others...well it definitely eclipses mine. i mean every stanza is fully loaded with mental photographs and i suppose we're reading the narrative of the tree watchin it all unfold...right? very unique perspective. there are too many masterful moments to specify favorite lines. so we'll just point out first stanza, third stanza, and 4th stanza as top ranking..well, in other words...what i found the most shockingly effective...the whole thing is pretty damn awesome.


  • April Renee
    April 29, 2007

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    Don't deny me the words to articulate
    the sensation of watching you


    wow. powerful poem you have here. very nicely penned. good luck in the contest. enjoyed.

    blu


  • PastelMoons gold member
    April 27, 2007

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    Your vision, clarity, and vocabulary is impeccable. The last stanza tied this together perfectly (it gave me chills)I love the dark metaphors - all in all, an impressive write. ~Pastel


  • Fire N Ice
    April 27, 2007

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    Oooooooo

    And the little British boy does it again!!!
    see this is why your on my favorites hun, your work is always thick and rich and delicious with emotion and beautiful metaphor,
    i loved this!
    remarcable take on the pic

    • jakeofspades
      April 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks - I'm not too happy with the way it reads, perhaps a little too off-rhythm for my liking. But as always your praise warms me. Cheers chappy

1 - 9 of 9