In this bloodshed I lay alone,
Surrounded by fear of what lingers beyond.
My mind hazed with thoughts of an exquisite death,
Leaving behind tormenting memories that haunt.
Screaming and pleading at the edge of my seat,
I grin uncontrollably as my drunken death speeds up.
The car violently swirving from right to left,
In a single gulp I chug the last drop of vodka.
I close my eyes and picture heaven's golden gates,
Muttering through dry cracked lips, I give my closing statement.
"Fuck all you pricks for corrupting my innocence"
I hope I die, but If I don't, I hope the paramedics don't find my blunt.
Author notes
This is a poem about how i killed myself in a car while drinking some vodka and had a blunt in my pocket and how about if i dont die that the paramedics can't find my blunt so I can smoke it lmao...sorry..hope ya like the poem if not sorry ..but thanks for the contest
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A contest entry
- Last words... by Nitenovanavium.
1000 points, ended May 2, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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the desire to leap , to selfdestruct...vengeance against life and loss of fear...I will have difficulty forgeting this poem....truely enjoyed the end...few can excell in dark comedy but yours is vividly exquisite..
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Wow, you have artisic perfection going on here. I love your display of color and picture. Keep them coming. I love them.
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Haha, interesting story you got there, but I really like it, and like I said, interesting, it weaves a great story, and has a good meaning behind it. Keep it up! ♥ Erin
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I like it. It has a twisted little flow to it and the concept rocks!
Love the work, keep it up!
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Most Incredible Poem Ever!!!
I love this poem and these lines really stood out:
Screaming and pleading at the edge of my seat,
I grin uncontrollably as my drunken death speeds up.
The car violently swirving from right to left,
In a single gulp I chug the last drop of vodka.
Man oh man tlak about a detailed violent but hell lot awesome death you envisioned with this poem. I love it! Excellent job and this is just an extremely well detailed orientated poem all round. excellent just pure excellence and imma applaud depsite having no applause left because you earned it. Keep up the great work!
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This made me laugh.is it wrong to laugh at a suicide poem...huh....neways, the writing was exceptional and the description and flow were really good, I am a fa of lengthy poems but the way you mixed a modern message with old style wording was captivating. This rocked and keep it up.
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HAHAHA
THIS IS AN AMAZING PIECE! ha, i actually found the humor in it, lol. You've got a lot of talent, keep it up.
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a good dark poem that is swerving! along life and death's imagery. a colourful mix for the eyes this morning
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good stuff...
although "to- the- point" i find that sometimes i too, feel this way...
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funny as hell!!!
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hey no problem... but is that really how you invision yourself to go? meh, its not my place to question...
this was a great poem, and i loved it... although it seems rather sad, it reads like you had a litlle fun with it, especially towards the end, lol.
and yea, i wouldent want them to find my blunt either, ^_^
good luck in the runnings.
Yours sincerely
mike
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awesome chrissy
hey hun i loved this poem adn its sooo u lol worried botu urblunt ehehe anywas great job adn keep it up i love reading ur work ...
<3 Krissy -
It;s good hun...it could have been more elaborate in my opinion but i love it anyways lol
<3 Ensnared
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This is um pretty entence..very powerfull you did a great job on this one Once again I really like your poetry its always great to read!!! Keep on writing and I cannot wait to read some more of your poetry!
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A brilliant poem, I love how you use your language to describe a seen so well.
"Screaming and pleading at the edge of my seat,
I grin uncontrollably as my drunken death speeds up.
The car violently swirving from right to left,
In a single gulp I chug the last drop of vodka." i really like this stanza and feel it works really well, it realyl gives a sense of realism, if that makes sense.
Well Done,
Keep It Up
xUnseenLovex
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excellent poem i loved it, espically the part
Screaming and pleading at the edge of my seat,
I grin uncontrollably as my drunken death speeds up.
The car violently swirving from right to left,
In a single gulp I chug the last drop of vodka.
I close my eyes and picture heaven's golden gates,
Muttering through dry cracked lips, I give my closing statement.
"Fuck all you pricks for corrupting my innocence"
I hope I die, but If I don't, I hope the paramedics don't find my blunt.
this was an excellent part and it made the poem awesome i wish you good luck in the contest you entered
keep writing hun
~Ashley~<3
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this is definitely a different way of looking at this subject matter i liked how you brought humor into the poem. You gave me a very vibrant picture and i felt like i was right there with you in the car. although the only thing i would change is the font size. it's a little small which makes it hard to read, but i have very bad eyesight so that's only my opinion.
but other than that you really have a wonderful piece of work here. keep up the wonderful writing!
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LOL, very creative and unique. Strong meaning, serious subject, yet you added the humor in sarcasm very well at the end.
Nicely done!
A style that is differently you!
Best to you...
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Hm, nicely done... At first it sounded like a sort of GOthic epitaph-type thing, but it quickly turned int something different, almost funny. Well done!
Morbidly,
Laura -
hm nice write.i like it,even though i dont think this would be the death of me.lol.(read my poem for this contest if you want.)its very descriptave,and thats good.although i do agree about the background issue that allure of a rose brought up,but i do not think you will get counted points off for it.well good luck in the contest!
H. -
wow, this is something else, i find it hard to put into words but i like it you did good on this, keep it flowing
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It doesn't matter what they find. They will never....ever...understand.
Twisted interesting write. -
Tought provking and well writte
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Nice job, I actually really enjoyed this, despite my initial doubts. I thought the background and colour scheme could've been better. There are ways that you can work the colours to your advantage and add feeling to your writing, and really give you a setting and you didn't do that. (Plus the font colours you chose really hurt these eyes that don't even come out during daylight).
Aside from all that though- I like the poem itself. The language itself is colourful, and with a delightful, and not too obnoxious humour to it. The first line didn't fit great, but the rest was pretty good.
These lines were probably my favourite:
"Screaming and pleading at the edge of my seat,
I grin uncontrollably as my drunken death speeds up."
-Allura
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hey. i really like this poem. it really is quite nicely written. it has a great layout and design to it. the choice of words are really wisely chosen to make the message drive louder and faster and clearer. "Screaming and pleading at the edge of my seat, I grin uncontrollably as my drunken death speeds up. The car violently swirving from right to left,
In a single gulp I chug the last drop of vodka." means a lot to me as this has actually happened to me. stay safe and take care of yourself.
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