Me

Well, I guess I'll start by making a statement that is true to every single human living right now, whoe ever lived, or will live: I am completely worthless.

Now, before you start with "your life is worth something to someone" or judge me as an emo kid or other stereotype who thinks his life is shit or wants to die, let me clear that up: My life IS worthless when you look at the big picture, and, up to a certain point, the little picture as well. I'll die someday, maybe tonight or tomorrow, but time isn't going to stop. People's lives will still go on. Will some of the lives that were in close contact with mine be changed in some way? Sure. Will they go on? Of course they will.

Why? Because there's billions of people in the world. Billions. One more or one less makes a virtually unnoticeable difference in most scenarios. That being said, I've tried to make myself memorable to those who know me, without screaming for attention. I'm a kind, helpful guy, who tends to get annoying and acts weird (on purpose, sometimes), but who is loyal to his friends and tries to get the best he can by who he is, diregarding his lifestyle and likes/dislikes. If I get to be remembered by those I love, great. But I don't have my hopes up thinking they'll think of me every day after I die.

I'm the only guy with a goatee in school, who regularyly wears black and non-vivid colors, along with a couple of spiked wristbands and a wallet chain that serves for my keychain. That's all just superficial stuff. I got told by some preppy girl I was just a wannabe today. In a sense, that is true. I am basing myself on images I've seen and emulating them to try and become my own ideal self, but I am still "ripping off" every influence I've ever had. Then again, who isn't? We as children develop our personalities and likes/dislikes based on our parents and parental figures (NOT necessarily the same thing), which may change over the years many times.

But... once you look into my personality, you'll find a real work of art. I hate seeing people suffer, which has landed me a lot of unhealthy friendships in the past. I always care about others, and try to help them at most, so that makes me rather sociable to a certain degree. I will enforce the respect of those I care about, unless I see it'll cause me to sink and pull my friends down as well. On a darker note, I'm a puppet master. I LOVE toying with people, especially my friends, as long as no damage to the relationship is produced. My current girlfriend is a victim, as I manipulate her on a daily baisis to get my way, either in getting her to stop driking Coke or to tell me petty secrets. On her defense, she manipulates me on a daily basis too, so it evens out.

I'm also insecure as fuck. I've gotten better at having confidence, but I'll still quaver and fall. This is why I enjoy taking a secondary, non-leadership position in almost anything. The pressure of having everything go to hell because of me is ubearable, so I preffer to have others decide.

I also delve on comments people make about me for a while. Tell me I sing like shit before a rehearsal with my band, and my confidence falls to nothing unless the teacher helping us says something like "Nice job on the vocals, I liked that (insert vocal effect here)!" Does it mean I'll change who I am? Hell no. Will it make me re-evalute my actions? Most likely. I am constantly taking feedback from everyone around me, and adjusting my life ever so slightly for my own personal benefit acordingly. Oh, and as long as it stays within my likes/principles.

Does that sound self-centered? Sure, but face it: Humans are greedy, violent, and self-centered creatures by nature. I act to benefit myself, but if I can benefit others at the same time, all the better. If I become a better person and come closer to my ideal, I'll be happier, and my quality of life will improve, while at the same time improving others' slightly.

Now... what I think of myself? Well, quite honestly, I think I kick ass. That sounded concieted as hell, but it's true. I fucking rule. I absolutely love who I am. There are aspects of myself that I need to improve on, both in the phsysical and personality aspects, but I would never be anyone other than me.

I love the way I grew out of most of the teenage drama at 14, and the way I've made my body a temple (in respect to drugs, alcohol, and cigs... junk food and excercising, not so much) despite the temptations of my current social situation. I'm proud of my likes and the way I treat people, and of the way my friends treat me.

Who am I? A stranger to anyone who reads this. Or at least, I used to be a stranger.