Guilty of Love

Mouth's been watering for the past week.
Some of it is hunger,
a lot of it is sickness.
What to do with yourself...
you had only cried in your sleep.
Waking up in your tears in the middle of the night.

I knew it was about him, and now I'm awake.
But I'm stubborn.
If I don't let myself feel
I will vomit.
I love him.

I was shut SO tight,
so VERY tight.
That tears only escaped in my sleep.
A gasp from a flicker of his face in a dream
and only a second to realize what was going on,
before I quickly retreated back into that sleep.
Only a second of emmense pain.

Tell me how do you know when you've excercised
too much control on yourself.
Only half a tear falling from a beautiful song
and thinking of him.
Yawning in abundance
as if my heart were to say it's not
getting enough oxygen.
I keep getting the shivers,
reminding me of how cold.
Telling me I'm still mostly frozen.
One nostril attempts to run
as if it were doing me a favor.
Short, close to no breath.
It will never be less than a lot.
He is so clearly, spiritually
and so naturally mine.
What allows life to make something so
beautiful real?
I'm so happy I feel guilt
and want to punish myself as if happiness is wrong.

Matthew make me wrong baby,
make me bad.