A haunting groan from the secret dark
(A thousand unison specters, stark,
Trapped between the living and the dead)
Cries out piercing agony’s dread—
Oh deep, dark, frightened groaning!
Those eerie, pitted moans are such
That angels yearn to bring their touch,
But all their comforts are withheld
From silencing those howls of hell—
My deep, dark, heartsick moaning.
Author notes
Anonymous contest. Please do not use my name in your comments. Thank you.
A contest entry
- EMO STUFF ONLY!!! I WANT TO FEEL YOUR PAIN by xlilliexdiesx.
660 points, ended May 9, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Something, Happy, Sad ,Angry, Blah by hazeleyedfreak.
600 points, ended June 23, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE BEST OF THE BEST! by SecretMe15.
320 points, ended May 1, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyming Prewrites... Quick contest by Lj-.
300 points, ended May 6, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything And Everything Dark by KittieLyyn.
405 points, ended May 10, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "I'm sad" POETRY :( by thelovesongwriter.
345 points, ended June 20, 2007, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - more quickie prewrites please by DancingRed.
300 points, ended July 14, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I love CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. Any suggestions?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I'm not going to look for any other meanings here (but you can tell me if there are)
I don't wish to because the literal level is a joy to read.
I just checked the posting date, April, I was gessing around Halloween, so maybe I should look for another layer.
Ok, sure there is the other meaning...in the last line. I should begin a comment until I've finished the last line.
Yeah, I've heard the heartsick moans. I heard them for most of January in fact, but February is a new day, Valentine's Day approaches...I better get moving fast if I want someone to send cards to, lol.
Ok, that is too much personal information, but the tone of the poem works for me...there's a pleasing, "This feeling sucks and I'm going to describe it as in as stark language as I can" feel to it.
I see it's for an emo contest, so I get the dark language and somewhat self-absorbed nature, and when I write out my pain people say I whine. I don't find this a whine at all. Those who claim that such words are, may be attempting to mitigate their guilt, their involvement, or mask their inability to understand emotion.
bla bla bla. I bub too much.
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"for most of January"... hey, just January? You're doing better than a lot of folks! Sounds like you've got a plan for February, though. You make it sound easy... just be sure to send an E-card or two. They're SURE to be hit the target, lol!
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Terrifying powerful; your images seem so alive.
I'm not too keen on end rhyme myself - but other than that I have no criticism.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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This is an excellent piece, dark and captivating, I do not see forced rhyme at all. I do have one suggestion, in the second stanza you use stark, I think if you used Hark, it would go more with your unison thing of the specters of hell and the voices. Just my suggestion but overall I thought this to be a well written and creative piece with excellent imagery. Hugs, Bunny
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this is very creative...but i feel there are some forced rhymes in here and it just ruins the meaning..(no offense, just my opinion..constructive criticism!) overall, it was a beautiful poem. good luck
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cool stuff.
great job.
good luck. -
Very dark. I like it.
Thank you for your entry,
Good luck!
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Excellent
A wonderful and haunting feel is created with your poem. Very well done.
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This was alright. I like the flow of it and the rhyming. It's kind've like suspense. Very different from what i've read so far.
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oooooOOOOOO nice...it had an eeriee feel to it and that's the poetry i like! this was well written and very descriptive...keep writting you so talented....and good luck
XTashaX -
I like this. Its kinda short and the subject isnt really explained enough. Making it longer would be very good. Thanks for entering, good luck!
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I like this. Its kinda short and the subject isnt really explained enough. Making it longer would be very good. Thanks for entering, good luck!
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it's good
Short and nice, to the point. You should expand on this a little more. I've noted your struggle to bring forth what needed to be. Good feeling here. Keep up the good work! -
thank you for entering my contest. I like your poem
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