The Heavens, the Earth, and the Twelve Altars of Power... Tools

Altaria Primus Centrum: Altar of the Hands  

"In the Beginning, there was the Hand..." 

Behold! Come, wonder upon the human hands

twenty-seven-boned marionettes

strung with tissues, tendons, muscle

one moment they crush, the next, caress;

giving language to the mute,

extending vision to the blind...

 

Biomechanics par excellence

unveiled here upon the Earth,

ne'er are they more sanctified

than while offering prayer through work Divine...

Power Tool Altar The First: Hark: The Detail Sander

(picture in your mind here upon the First Altar of Power Tools- a blue and silver Detail Sander, accessorized with an assortment of sanding pads and a micro-fit dust canister, featuring an ergonomic handle for comfort and control, with through-the-pad dust extraction, and a trigger switch with a lock-on button...)

Firmly grasp the Detail Sander

with hands well made for such tediums-

plying dry rolling dunes of time

while sanding paint-clogged crevices

carved in furniture's yesteryear;

a veritable Circus McGurkus of belts

motorized, electrified-

spinning pads, whirring discs

where muscle-bound ironic brawn

gently prods in awkward places

nimble, light and delicate;

maneuvering into recessed corners

smoothing out their surfaces

that the larger sanders missed;

triangulated oscillations

born of God and His creations...

Power Tool Altar The Second: Give Praise: The Electric Drill

(picture in your mind here upon the Second Altar of Power Tools- the seminal Electric Drill- with heat-treated gears for durability, a 360 degree side handle, and an optional cobalt-coated 29 piece drill bit set for only an additional $49.99...)

Plugged in, drawing steady power,

never-ending, limitless,

every man's close companion

penetrating, grinding, spinning

with a pistol-gripped electric fit,

twelve-hundred rpm's of thrust

from a one inch bit in a half inch chuck...

 

Brushing, scaling, whipping, sanding,

from simple drilling to mortar mixing,

any object born of restless minds

can be spindled and chucked into a drill,

to scourge the sea with high-torqued madness

with spirits spread toward Heaven's will...

Power Tool Altar The Third: All Sing: The Electric Planer

(picture in your mind here upon the Third Altar of Power Tools- the Electric Planer in haze-gray enamel paint, with a top-side calibrated scale, and replaceable non-marking stainless steel shoes, the Planer complete with carrying case and an operating manual...)

A puzzle of levers and mysterious knobs

shave away great slivers, or none at all

in the hands of novices;

surrounded by an obscurity

to all but a few who know the tool well-

to them, a bowed joist will be shaved

so a subfloor lies flat in the curved Universe...

common mistakes- going too fast

or hitting a nail and ruining a blade

spinning fifteen-thousand times a minute...

some claim, with wild, upturned eyes

there's something otherworldly in it...

Power Tool Altar The Fourth: Rejoice: The Jigsaw

(picture in your mind here upon the Forth Altar of Power Tools- the epitome of Jigsaws, one with a soft-grip body and a precision control system to eliminate blade wander for fast and easy bevel cutting, and a fully counterbalanced design to minimize vibration...)

Gathering dust for weeks on end

before it's time to create more-

the jig, or saber, or bayonet saw

bides its time until it's needed-

-really, really, really needed-

Then it begins- nibbling,

then stabbing, shearing up and down

where the bandsaw cannot go,

where coping saws are slow, slow, slow...

 

Man, the mortal, and his jigger

fashioning ornate designs all

with Heaven's Heralds trumpeting-

trumpeting the jigsaw's call...

Power Tool Altar The Fifth: Hark and Hail: The Orbital Sander

(picture in your mind here upon the Fifth Altar of Power Tools- a finely-crafted, heavy-duty, tri-colored 8" variable speed Random Orbital Sander with larger strokes and faster orbits than the other random orbital sanders...)

Elliptically orbiting spinning circles

with palm-gripped curious randomness

either with or against the grain-

ignoring all rules of woodworking

without a scratch or mark to mar

the antique pine of cabinet doors

first, with coarse grit, then with fine

smoothing planar surfaces

repeated ad-infinitum

shop-vacs sweep a sawdust nation...

 

Sound reductions, speed controls,

dust extractions, comfortable

to grip, maneuver, and to holster-

sculpting bodies Bondo-bolstered

like petite pad sanders can,

but only in the palms of hands

raised in glorious exultation...

Power Tool Altar The Sixth: Reflect Upon: The Reciprocating Saw

(picture in your mind here upon the Sixth Altar of Power Tools- a 6.7 lb. cobalt-blue and gray Reciprocating Saw with a high-impact polymer body, a 0-15 degree swivel shoe plate, and a shiny blue blade...)

Handsaw action at switched command

for your recip-saw attacks-

be they concrete, stone, or wall,

from a large wood-rough-in blade

to chew through any kind of timber,

to a hard abrasive blade

for ceramic tiles and cast-iron pipes;

blades lose teeth, soon worn, dull,

you've grown attached, can't throw them out,

sentimental, blade retired,

new blade in with locking collar,

bimetal blades the way to go

in this handsaw power show

between High Heaven and Burning Hell...

Power Tool Altar The Seventh: Hail, Shout, and Holler: The Router

(picture in your mind here upon the Seventh Altar of Power Tools- a tan, silver, and black 3 ½ HP, 12.8 lb. Plunge Router with six-position variable speed control, and a UL-listed, double-insulated, intrinsically safe electric motor and a three-memory position turret...)

Coaxing curves, cooing corners,

this, the art of electric routers-

whether adding grooves or dovetail joints,

routing hinge mortises,

trimming plastic laminate,

or duplicating complex patterns

without error, with precision

at twenty thousand rpm's...

 

Plunging bits and depth-stop knobs

make quick work of routing jobs;

the powered router of 1872

required a pair of peddling boots...

 

What makes a router? 'Tis its bit-

whirling chunks of spinning steel

(though carbide bits keep their sharpness

longer than any bits of steel...)

V-groove bits, mortise bits,

round-nose, cove, and rabbet bits,

slot-cutters, round-overs,

beading, chamfer, ogee bits

make the router versatile

among power-tools it's found a niche

producing sounds as if a war

between Foul Satan and the Lord

is waged for Man in battle pitched...

Power Tool Altar The Eighth: Exalteth: The Circular Saw

(picture in your mind here upon the Eighth Altar of Power Tools- a teal and gray 9.5 lb. Circular Saw, heavy-duty, yet made of a light-weight, high-strength aluminum alloy to reduce operator fatigue, with a 56 degree beveling capacity and an electric brake to stop the blade after use...)

Just pull the trigger and let ‘er rip-

it cuts in furious straights and narrows

in under one and one-half minutes;

do it wrong, and you'll remember

that minute-and-a-half forever-

when the saw kicks back in spasms

like violent Demons from the Chasms...

Power Tool Altar The Ninth: Genuflect With Shock and Awe: The Chain Saw

(picture in your mind here upon the Ninth Altar of Power Tools- the Chain Saw, green, blue, silver and red, with easy-adjustment carburetor screws and a spark arrestor muffler; act now and receive a free chain saw ring tone...)

Power tool with attitude-

much maligned in movie lore,

nasty, brutish, sharp, and short,

transforms tangled, fallen trees

into kindling and firewood,

the unguarded row of razor teeth

are useful when used properly...

 

Leather boots with chain-choke linings,

chainsaw chaps for leg defending;

flip-down shields and built-in muffs

chainsaw hardhats, all tough enough;

 

In some hands it's an artist's tool,

but respect what a chainsaw can do (to you)

if led astray by the Great Destroyer

loosed from the chained gates of Hell...

Power Tool Altar The Tenth: Harketh and Yelleth: The Bench Grinder

(picture in your mind here upon the Tenth Altar of Power Tools- a gray Bench Grinder with two vitrified 8" grinding wheels, one coarse and one fine, fitted with the optional grinder stand and drip pan... Customers who bought this also bought a cross slide drill press vise with two crank handles...)

In a landscape strewn with gray machines,

littered plains of curling metal

scattered thickets of razor-sharp shards

shed from splinters of metal scraps

there exists an island of tranquility-

simplicity amid a mechanical maze

oft' found caked with years of dust

and showing agéd spots of rust,

squatting like a toady tool-

two grinding wheels sprouting through

at each end like two alien ears...

 

Spark arresters, wheel guards,

motor housing tempered hard

in its womb one horsepower

waits to spin the idle grinder

in Man's sacred grinding work...

Power Tool Altar The Eleventh: Give Jubilant Celebration: The Bandsaw

(picture in your mind here upon the Eleventh Altar of Power Tools- a sea-green 14" Bandsaw, complete with matching stand and a 16x16" tilting table for beveling work, with cast-iron trunnions and an extended protection plan...)

Carbon steel ribbon blades

tensioned tight ‘round rubberized wheels

can cut round tables from any shape

or transoms from mahogany;

blending safety, precision, speed

singing at the pitch of ‘E'

or higher-tensioned, a sharpened ‘G';

its three to twenty teeth per inch

can slice through almost anything...

Power Tool Altar The Twelfth: Take Heedeth and Haileth: Safety Gear

(...and verily I say picture in your mind here upon the Twelfth Altar of Power Tools- the Gear of Safeness, all neatly laid out and well maintained; organized and displayed in all their glorious naked majesty...)

Last we praise the Safety Gear

with faces, legs, hands and ears:

foot protection, arm protection,

eyes nose skull and lung protection;

items on our power list

to thwart unwelcome haps that mis...

-for ne'er let an errant tool

take what God hath given you.