I'll
always
remember
sweet red roses
Golden fragrant curls
she tiptoed along church pews
in pretty bridesmaid silk shoes
clasping daddy's hand
Precious angel
in peaceful
care of
God
Author notes
picture credit...by Joyce Birkenstock
*Arkquain* created by Arkbear
12 lines with ( 1 ) break between
each stanza, a total of ( 2 ) breaks,
and a total of ( 3 ) stanzas.
The two ( 7 ) syllable lines, must use *end* Rhyme.
Syllable count is:
1-2-3-4
break
5-7-7-5
break
4-3-2-1
A contest entry
- *~ Poetry Formed V ~* by Arkbear.
400 points, ended April 26, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I am not sure how I missed this one before today. This is wonderful!!!!! I love it. I have yet to try writing in my Uncle Bear's form, but will soon. Hope I can do as well as you did! What a great read, the page is amazing. PERFECT!!!!!! Thanks for sharing this one! Congrats on the gold, well deserved for sure!!!!
Nyetta
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Oh my! No wonder this piece grabbed the Gold! Lilac, this is gorgeous! Dear one, you took this challenge and created a most lovely work of art. The words themselves are a perfect match to the image. Did you do the border, hon?! I love it!
Beautiful presentation and very touching piece! One of my new favs from you. Congrats!
~Lori
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Hi Lori thank you for your most generous comments and yes I made this border with your wonderful instructions, thank you so much
~Lilac
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Congratulations! Well deserved win... Awesome job.
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Oh My Goodness ~
Just when I thought I had my top three Poets,
you go and present me....us....with this
gorgeous MasterPiece of Art ~
OK....now for the review ~
Gosh you made this touch Sis ~
Ok...honestly now ~
The presentation of the page....the ARTWORK...
the **message**....the flow...the grammatical choices....
the aesthetic eye appeal....syllable count....
...oh my....where do I stop ~
ALL PERFECT ~
However............
The only thing I can critique about this write,
is the fact that the word *Arkquain* is
sitting right there next to your Title....
.....which in my own personal opinion,
takes away from the beauty of this page ~
I know you do this often in some of
your Formed Poems, but this is the reason
for asking Poets to place the Form in your Authors' coment Box ~
Now...I also know that we silly Americans
sometimes have different views on grammatical issues/errors....
.....and in line 4..of 2nd stanza....*daddy's*...was used
in a possessive tense....therefore, the
apostrophe should have been AFTER the *s*.....( daddys')
So.....I will only deduct .2 pts. for this ~
You have just bumped a Poet out of Trophy position ~
You are such and Artist I applaud you for the great efforts you took to create this most sensational work of Art ~
The best to you in this contest ~
Brother Bear ~
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Beautiful form and substance.
Love the little hearts.
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Awww, sweet tender and sad, so gentle and wonderfully formed, you are such a great artist! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
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Precious!
Oh My this is Precious
Love the Form~ The message You have sent
through Your words and
the overall presentation...
Beautifully done my Friend
Best wishes to You in the contest!
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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So poignant and beautiful! Your design of this page adds to the enjoyment of this piece. With so few words you paint us a lovely picture of this little angel, and her place in God's arms.
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You trully are queen of every form
You used the Arkquain really well
It was skillfully created and you skillfully mastered it
You didn't just make the poem fit around the form, you made a beautiful story and such gorgeous meaning in your words
Images were vivid
The poem is a winner
Well done
All my love, mum
~Lauren
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This is a sad story, but poetically done well to hold a different tone, rememberance and peace, either the narrators tears are already shed or they truly hold to the belief of those that pass are in a better place. the form is excellent and the language well dictated the poetic mood. The imagery solified to a real feel as well.
Great work and Good luck.
Jim
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