Your surgery went well
What with the coughing and all
But I found a tissue to wipe
And some lozenges to boot
Then into the meat
A tasty morsel, I'd say
Though only the finest
Silver, you can be sure.
If only you'd stayed
Saw your heart flambéed
Read the will
Cast the stare
While feast I did
At your expense.
I assure you I was thorough
Little left for those in the wings
I'll admit I'm a little jealous myself
Of those in possession of one of these
Though I won't let that stop me
From making the first
Incision.
A contest entry
- Describe what you see (picture) by MotherMachineGunn.
340 points, ended April 26, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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oh... and bare with my somewhat confusing critique... my brain is saying "must sleep!".
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I've now been by this to read a number of times. My mind is trying to set it aside from the art to come up with an interpretation that is more based on my (sometimes limited world - if you can believe that one..) Anyway, the actions in this piece are really what bring this piece alive for me - the act of "flambe'ed" hearts and "feast I did" -- something so raw and "in your face about this piece".
I left the piece asking of "what kind of possession?" I was still curious and wanted more - but did get the feeling in the piece as to (despite conscience) the feel of one to make that "first incision".
I really like interesting poems that make me think and have that imagery just popping out (flambeed or not)... this was another one of those kind of poems.
great stuff Rich!
Kimmie
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Kim, thanks for raising the point about separating the work from the inspiration. It seems to me that these pieces should stand on their own despite being inspired by a contest or an image. I don’t know that this piece accomplishes it, but I do try.
As for “possession”: I was trying to imply that the person eating the heart lacked one, hence the hint of jealosy.
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Wonderful interpretation!
"Saw your heart flambéed" really stuck out at me. A touch of humor there. I enjoyed reading this one.
Good Luck in the contest...
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
well, first I'm going to comment on the art, of course. It reminds me of my friend lanenamodelna's work but hers is more humorous http://www.flickr.com/photos/lanenamodelna/411405877/ and not as sinister as this; I'll admit this one does not appeal to me.
As for the piece, I'll say... So the dark humor emerges.
I think you need a period after boot, no pun intended. (Don't take it personally that I'm not clapping. I just really dislike the 3 tiered system at this point.)
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