To influence a séance with whiskey and lead:
My dreams are the screams of the dying and dead.
I wonder, and ponder, and come to avow,
But buoyant - these bastards - still streaming somehow.
So awake the mistake to remind me anew -
That gone and moved on are my memories of you.
Author notes
Love of a Bullet
In a list
A contest entry
- search by CarCrashHumor.
800 points, ended August 1, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come as you are by dream5111.
300 points, ended August 5, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write about almost anything you want. by TheDevilInYourHead.
430 points, ended August 23, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by wolfcub.
800 points, ended September 12, 2007, 58 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - to live life... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended July 11, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Indeed a strong immagery with a wonderful crafting as well..well done..and my thanks for sending this poem in my contest...
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WOW
I really like this piece, it is so powerful! I really love the rhythm and flow of this poem. A very good write. The title, Vacancy, first caught my attention. I can't wait to read more!
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This is a great write ...
and I don't really see any way you could improve on it. Making it longer wouldn't do it. I am normally totally averse to inverted lines (like your final line here), but in this case, it's hardly noticeable, and doesn't seem to detract from the poem at all. I would surmise that that is because this is written in such a manner that it sounds like Dylan Thomas might have sounded after he'd had about 3 drinks. (It took him about ten before he even felt them in the giddy sense, but it helped sharpen his pen.)
Anyway, good job all in all.
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Very poetic take on memories of a loved one. "Whiskey and lead" I find intriguing though. Moreso the lead, could be the lead of a bullet, or the lead of a pencil...
Good write and congrats on gold.
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Thank you for your comment. The lead is indeed the lead of a bullet. This piece is the first in a series, the second is available on my main page.
Thanks for visiting.
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WOW! I love this. It is written so well and is so forceful. It is amazing!
Thankyou for entreing and good luck in my contest.
Katie -
"My dreams are the screams of the dying and dead.
I wonder, and ponder, and come to avow,
But buoyant - these bastards - still streaming somehow.
So awake the mistake to remind me anew -" is my favorite part good luck
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enchanting
you write like a genus here. Great talent!
Smile,
Judy -
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Thank you. :-)
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wowww :]!
"My dreams are the screams of the dying and dead."
each line of this is great.
"That gone and moved on are my memories of you."
good. -
Great write!
Reminded me of the seance somebody once had and fell backward into a pot of boiling soup when the ghost did appear. Smile.
Judy
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WOW!
Ouch! This poem hurt! Letting go of loved ones, or hated ones for that matter, is a very moving and sometimes painful experience. If this is an biography of something you're going through, I hope all turns out well. Very very powerful write.
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So beautifully you have described the melancholic feeling of a lover. The sadness and anger of the lover touches the heart. So much summed up in so little. Keep the good work. Thanks, for having a time to read my works too.
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This is a great poem
It was so much fun to read and the flow was just right. Thanks for sharing this piece with me.
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oooo I like.. but buoyant - these .. ( that entire line ) not only a wonderful image, it's got great 'sound'.. okay so I'm a sucker for any kind of alliteration... I admit it..
the rest of it too...all the internal rhyme.. thanks for reminding me why I am so fond of it..
I haven't been around ..tsk me, I've been too busy working on other things... it's great to read you again.
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Nice to see you too, and thanks for the comment. Life is distracting, can't dedicate all your time to online. :-)
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true... true, though you wouldn't know it through this site ; )
thank you..
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wow!
whos it about?
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No one really, I just wanted an excuse to use whiskey and lead... I am thinking of doing a series.
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the trend is:
you write something.
a selection of the same six or so people tell you it's good.
i am not one of them. this doesn't mean i didn'y read it. i've read everything...
the intention is, i want there to be some meaning when i say:
this is good writing. -
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It's all good. Some are better than others, but it all comes down to taste in the end.
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I think that, maybe, if you changed it to
"My dreams are the screams of those dying and dead."
instead of what you have, it would flow better?
Otherwise, I like it.
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This is, simply put, a really cool poem.
I love it. I like the pace, the great
play with words, and the overall grit.
Damned good, my friend.
Love, Lane -
love this! great lines and flow
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