Time has waned its fouling purge
and winds have slowed
Since treachery
of taunting storm
breathed its scourge across my simple field
But blighting breeze, yet wearying,
lingers long
above the flowering hill
Where prairie's love
will grasp but miss articulation's leaf
And how I yearn for time of yore
when trees were hushed
and grasses did not dance
and stillness bore
that silent dream I never dared desire
In a list
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- Personal • next in list
A contest entry
- 15 Lines Or Less - Free Verse Only - Prompt Inspired! by Cupcrazy.
450 points, ended April 26, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds with AngieMarie. ROUND ONE!! PREWRITES! All welcome!!! by Angierie.
450 points, ended May 8, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphor For Life; No Cliches by zhaniswolf.
600 points, ended March 24, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winner takes all - Gold for Gold by Lavender Butterfly.
300 points, ended June 7, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party 5 by DancingRed.
300 points, ended October 9, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I love CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. Any suggestions?
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Great imagery. I like the whistfullness (sp?) of this piece, it longs and possibly even regrets. Beautiful.
-Carrie
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Goodness woman you can write.This is frighting good.
~~Time has waned its fouling purge
and winds have slowed
Since treachery
of taunting storm
breathed its scourge across my simple field~~~
O how i envy this talent.
Joe
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Imaginative. I'm not really sure what's going on here, what the metaphor is behind the images. I can see the scene clearly, and that's great, but don't know what it points to. Obviously there is a measure of melancholy longing of the past. It seems this is a piece about being jaded with life?
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Dramatic and desciptive in its prose of such a simple scene.
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This reads like classical poetry. I enjoy your skill with the style. I can't pullit off myself. Life is hard and dreams are often lost. It seems that this is the point, and a well made one.
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Excellent...
This is so incredibly well done. I delved into it so easily and was taken by rich images and breezy scent. I loved the calm; the quietness that came across to me. I liked the passage of time feel here. I'm amazed at your musings in this work. So wonderful to be honest. What an powerful closing too:
"And how I yearn for time of yore
when trees were hushed
and grasses did not dance
and stillness bore
that silent dream I never dared desire"
I really felt a delightful gust of energy from this piece. Thank you very much for it.
AsIThink...
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Elizabeth Barett Browning... style is reflective here and the message is softly focused to give broad appeal...very nice, hope and resolve...PK
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i see why you won gold
this is a wonderfuly written piece
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So creatively expressive and powerful. Congrats on your previous gold trophy win and also for the HM with this wonderful piece. Thanks for sharing... x Love and light, Butterfly.
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Thank you for your contest submission as well as for editing for the rules. Even without the requested explanation I got this oen loud and clear! I do suggest in L10 perhaps a rewording for it slightly stumbles in the read, although i dolike the thought expressed in that and all of the lines! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
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please read rules again. a new one has been added.
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What wonderful vivid visuals one gets when reading this - liked the flow and the brevity and variance of the lines. Great gold winner, as well as HM too. Congratulations.
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Thanks much for the entry!!
Angie
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Excellent
Very well done. Truly worthy of the gold. Congratulations.
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Wonderful vivid write and congrats on the gold
Bazza
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Wow!
Congratulations on Your trophy win
Powerful verse penned and call me weird but
after inhaling this...
I felt a sense of empowerment at the end...
Like this sensation of ...yes the challenges
come but I don't let them blow me off my foundation
type of feeling...
Thank You for sharing this with us!!
Appreciate Your visit to my work...
Many blessings to You
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Excellent display of your prowess as a writer with a wonderful use of your vocabulary. All too often, writers throw large words around to show strength, but with little effect; you have a fine mastery and a well deserved win. The last stanza-- wow
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Kind words. Thank you. This one just came from my heart. You know, one of those ones that just felt "inspired."
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Excellent, lovely verbage and phrasing. Great imagry and flow. I loved the soft allure of this piece and the final stanza was breathtaking. Thanks for this wonderful entry. Hugs, Bunny
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Thanks, Bunny. It was a fun contest. The prompt really got me thinking! Thanks for the trophy. Glad my poem touched you, that makes me feel really good.
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Very beautiful free verse. Lovely vocabulary and word choice. Makes the piece easy to read with nice flow to the end.
Very romantic and dreamy!
Lovely work!
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THank you so much for you lovely comment.
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Thank you so much for you lovely comments.
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Duh...
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Very deep and abstract... Articulate.
The last line would flow better if to say ...i'd never dare desire in my opinion... Nice alliteration and great vocabulary... Great write. -
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Thank for you kind comment. I hear what you are saying on the last line. But I chose the wording intentionally to set the verb tense. I was wishing for a state of being that occurred in an ongoing state before the storm of stanza 1. But your way flows nicely. Thanks again!
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