The softness of Your quiet voice
penetrates my spirit with utmost clarity –
For being drawn to you
comes more than naturally.
The constant woes of earthly cares
lack all meaning and worth
when I’m consumed by Your presence
and experience my spiritual rebirth.
Despite the magnificent beauty
of this planet’s garden fields,
I would willingly exchange it
for the brilliance that Heaven yields.
Since I’m captivated by The Light,
being drawn to You is... the sweetest of delights.
Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http://www.squidoo.com/book-isbn-1419650513/
Author notes
Option #8
A contest entry
- CrossFire by Tabitha-Robin.
950 points, ended May 9, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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This is truly lovely. In the beginning, I thought it was a sweet love poem to a person you were in love with. Then by the end, when I read :
I would willingly exchange it
for the brilliance Heaven yields
and the capitalized "light" it made me think that this was a poem about loving God. I really think this is one of the best religious poems I've read, because it expresses love for a higher power so perfectly, and the rhyme scheme is great also. -
this is really pretty
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This poem was beautiful. It was captivating. And it drew my attention from the very beginning. You did a superb job. I loved every price of it it is so hard to pic out a faveorite part, it was all so amazing I wouldn't change a thing
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I was left wanting more...the perfectionist in me would like to see four lines at the end rather than three condensed into two...good idea, executed well...I would say you are NOT speaking of a "person"...
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wow, you really make your words go strait to the readers heart!! you really know how to play with words and make them come togeter in just the right way!! you write from the heart wich always speaks through your words. i love this poem it is now one of my favorites. great job writing it! wouldnt change a thing!
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Great job! Bravo!
♥ Kathraina -
wow this poem is sooooooo CUTE ..... A LIKE IT !!!!!
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This is the sweetest thing I've read on this website. You must really love the person you wrote it about. I think you have found a wonderful way of describing those feelings that you have for that person and I hope they know how special you are and how lucky they are to have you in their lives. Bravo on such a well worded piece and I hope to read more from you in the future
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the way u express all this feelings is reali nice, u done a reali gd poem ,its worthin a lot , i love it , keep it on like that
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Wow, i really like this your language is awesome. The word choice really makes me feel like you are reaching out for him. Love i
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I like how it explains that when your near this special someone all the troubles in the world vaporize. How whats important to world itself means nothing because all that is truly important to you is by your side
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lovely
This is really really good.. it captivating and it makes u appreciate this thing that we get so confused about sometimes>>>love... but i like it
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This is really nice. I can see why it won a trophy. I like this verse the most:
Despite the magnificent beauty
of this planet’s garden fields,
I would willingly exchange it
for the brilliance that Heaven yields.
Some of the other rhymes- "Light" "delights" and "Clarity" "naturally" don't really rhyme- I can't really be a stickler though, because I've been known to do the same thing, but maybe you could use "delight" instead of "delights" in the last line?
Good overall.
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Lovely
I absolutely loved your poem. The pure imagery in each line kept me captivated through out the entire poem! Keep up the good work.
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HEY UR CUTE!!!!
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oo... Very nicely done... I really love the imagery in these lines... This is beautiful ~ Wonderfully written. I love how uplifting and charming this is...
Thank you for the great read...
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A very nicely done poem. I very much enjoyed it. It was well written and opened up the heart of those around you. Thank you for sharing this with us. It was very well done
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You have opened up your heart and allowed it sing your words. This was such an inspiring piece. Great job.
Soulful Woman
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Love this poem! I've been married to my husband for 7years and we still are drawn to each other just like u described in your poem.
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This seems to have a calming effect as I read it, it is subtle and smooth with a dash of charm.
I like the reference to being captivated by the light, that is a step towards Heaven in and of itself.
Your devotion shows through with this write, strong and wholesome, like it should be.
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This is sweet and uplifting. This is beautifully crafted and has a lot to say. You really let the reader in and know your feelings towards this spiritual Light you've found/have. Brilliance in words.
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I just love the movement and the pulse that I feel flowing throughout the lines here as I read this. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to youin all of your endeavors. Keep that pen handy and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
i like this. -eleno
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I really liked this poem! this poem just reached out to me and i found the words went together like a song but with more emotoin, I think this is a beautiful peice of work.
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that is very cute...and deep.
i liked the last couple lines of this inspirational poem. i was sad now i am happy.
GREAT JOB! -
This is wonderful and such faith. I hear the beauty of Heaven is wonderful. Everyone will get there in the end. Congrats on the green trophy.
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bautiful
wonderfully expression of great feelings
love the earthly woes being transcended image -
This is beautiful and has a very light feel. Your choice of words has a lovely impact on the feel of the poem and the imagery is brilliant, but not over done. I happen to like the first stanza the most, but it is all very beautiful and it flows together well.
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aww
this is sooo cute! I love it! this is the sweetest poem ever! I love this, I am so going to read more of your poems when I get to it lol...I know wat its like to be drawn to someone and its the most wonderful thing! I'm drawn to my oh so lovely bf that I have been with for 1 year and 2 months! I love this poem!
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Damn! U wrote it down.... Great peom loved it!
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the duality of this peice...brilliant...it could be a love note to a lover, or a praising to your god...either way, most enthralling, and congrats on your trophy
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Amazing.
This really reminded me of when I first started going out with my girlfriend. Nothing else mattered, at least in my mind....But,as it turns out, that was a mistake, she was a total bitch!
But anyways, the onlyt thing I found wrong was the flow, the inconsistent syllable count made it sound wrong for me. But it was still a very good write keep up the good work!
-Eternally Fallen
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GOOD!!!!
I really like the way you put alot of emotion into it. it remindes me of a guy i know and this poem almost made me cry. keep up the good writing.
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I didn't feel that clarity & naturally really ryhmed well. I would change this stanza a bit. Other that that, good write.
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well done
I think that you have done a fine job in expressing yourself in this piece of poetry.
I hope you continue to grow in writing.
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I am glad you got a mention on this. It is a beautiful write. You have a very special talent, a spiritual gift from a loving Father. Its nice to see you using it to uplift Him. Keep on keeping on.
Kelli
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pretty good
I thought that the poem was nice.
But I find your expression in this poem to feel
a-little-bit scientific. -
I was surely "drawn in" by this piece!
Yeah, I think we will never really realise what heaven looks like. We are so taken up by the beauty that we can enjoy in this life, that we don't even give a thought to the life beyond the grave.
Well-written piece. -
Wonderful! It makes me fear death less. Very spiritually uplifting!
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Awww this is really sweet,
you have written some very lovely words here.
I have no favorite part, because the whole piece
just flows so well together.
Great job, I enjoyed.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
joyce
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I know the feeling, that urge or drawing you feel toward someone, it's an amazing feeling and this is an amazing poem, well penned and well said. I just wonder why you capiltilize in the middle of phrases. If its your style, sorry.
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lovely write
especially the quiet voice penetrating your spirit and love you being capitivated by the light and the brilliance of heaven.
have problems with the woes of earthly cares lacking all meaning. am probably just jealous
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Since I’m captivated by The Light,
being drawn to You is... the sweetest of delights.
Somehow I am reminded of the conflicting advice
“Walk into the Light” and “Don’t go toward the light”.
It interests me that you find a way to make poetry
from every day truths. Surely, it’s a gift.
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very lovely write i enjoyed reading it this is my favorite part
Despite the magnificent beauty
of this planet’s garden fields,
I would willingly exchange it
for the brilliance that Heaven yields.
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A lovely soothing poem you have written for this contest - flows well and says much about how you feel about the Lord. Think you should have a capital on Your in that first line, since you use it later on in the poem as well. Such a lovely ending you have created in that final line. Congrats on the HM as well.
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peaceful and tender write you have penned
this made me feel so safe and loving.
such a touching poem, great job
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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Spiritual
You gave great feeling to your thoughts on Jesus or God whichever one this is about. It does lift one up doesn't it?
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Peaceful write you have here, JJBreunig3. It's really a nice write and I enjoyed reading it just now.
I especially liked:
The constant woes of earthly cares
lack all meaning and worth
when I’m consumed by Your presence
and experience my spiritual rebirth.
That was the best verse because it was very nice and calm. And it was so true!
AWESOME WRITE!!!
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This is a very nice read. I enjoye dit very much. The words flew off the page and it flowed really well. It was a very sweet poem. Congrats on your success in the contest.
Keep up the good work. -
Inspiring and beautiful, very nice imagery indeed. Love it alot. Sets a very lovely mood around it.
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a truly inspiring poem, written from the heart and and authentic experience of Divine Presence ...
wonderful,
maa
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Simple, yet beautiful! I love this! It's so Spirit filled.
Wonderful. =)
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Worship
This takes me into my times of worship with the Lord. with heartfelt words. just loving Him for all He is and does for us. it sounds like private time with the Lord. It is where He wants us most. Great write.
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Great write. I think a couple of words are unnecessary, though. Those words I placed in parens.
The softness of your (quiet) voice (redundant)
penetrates my spirit with (utmost) clarity – (line long)
For being drawn to you
comes more than naturally.
Can you find a simpler synonym for "penetrates"?
The constant woes of earthly cares
lack all meaning and worth
when I’m consumed by Your presence
and experience my (spiritual) rebirth. (can be assumed)
I really like your third stanza a lot!
Less is more, sometimes...
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Amen, brother! You use some powerful words in this piece (i.e., consumed, magnificent, brilliance, captivated). I like the way this reads; the word choices that you've made add much to it. Thanks.
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Yes. This poem speaks to me. Since my mother died just over one year ago, Heaven has taken on a greater significance in my life. I don't have the link, But you can check out "Held in His Arms". Also, I think you would like "The Cornerstone". I think the latter is my strongest Christian poem.
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This is beautiful. Full of the Spirit that God has placed in each of us. We should be drawn to Him. He is wonderful and worthy of all our praise. It is brilliant how you speak from your heart and soul. It seem to come so easily. Thank you for your entry and God bless you. Good luck in the Contest.
In Christ Jesus,
Tabitha Robin -
Beautiful job on this poem!
"The constant woes of earthly cares
lack all meaning and worth
when I’m consumed by Your presence
and experience my spiritual rebirth".
These earthly woes pale compare to
God! -
Amen! I love this. It made me feel so spiritual and happy to be one who loves and lives for Christ. Great job, Joe. Good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia
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