Tonight,
I lay with you for the last time.
But, it will last a lifetime.
Cancer has taken your body but not your soul.
Your soul sparkles in your eyes
just like the day we met.
I followed you as a
puppy follows his master.
Now I will follow into the depths of death.
Your disease slowly kills you
and tonight I will answer your prayers.
Tomorrow you will not wake with pain.
And neither will I....
Author notes
Poem based on the picture.
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration II by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended April 26, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - make me feel something. by aanika.
1003 points, ended July 20, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Beautiful ! I've seen those bones somewhere else, also here on AP, where are they from? I wonder if they died like that or if they were positioned or it's a coincidence. Nice way to die.
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This has some phrasing issues, especially with repetitions, such as "time" and "lifetime" in the first stanza, and "not your soul" and "your soul sparkles" in the second.
I love the theme, but think it could have been presented a bit better.
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well imagined poem.truely narrated.
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Very emotional and loving piece. Cancer is such a burden to live with, and having someone that truly loves you nearby and willing to stay there, and even die with you, is a blessing.
I liked your simile in lines seven and eight.
Your take of this picture was great, and you presented it wonderfully as well.
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What an emotioanl piece. I am not sure how to word this so at the risk of sounding crazy I will just go with it. I find it a deeply 'romantic' notion, if you will, that there could be a love so strong that if one should perish the other would willingly go with. The idea that life is just not worth completing without them....touches me deeply. I know I want to be loved that deeply...though in reality I would want my loved one to carry on in this world. This is very touching and very thought provoking!
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though with some element of defeat the tone of the poem comforts
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My grandma is dieing from having cancer. It is hard
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Oh wow! How very intensely written this is!
Most EXCELLENT! I'm at a loss for words because this is just...wow! So deep and intense!
All the best to you! -
this is sad but i like it
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This is so sad. Braught tears to my eyes. Verry emotional, yet it shows the love of a man and woman. in sickness and health.....Bravo
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Oh my god
Tears in the eyes, tears in the eyes! Well done, this is so...powerful and breathtaking. An absolutely amazing poem and so full of feelings and emotion. Oh my, it's so sad!!! I'm sorry, I can't find any other words, it's just so sad!! The picture fits perfectly and makes it even more sad and emotional! Amazing. Perfect and full of emotion.
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I really like the last line, it is a great ending thought, the poem as a whole expresses great emotion, it express sadness but also hope and peace because the two lovers will be together forever and the terrible disease will not stop their love, good job
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very good
Chilling. Very well written emotion within a few words.
Very strong and possably a winner
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Very very sad
I looked at the picture and I became really sad. It is really touching. It's one of those pictures which will remain in my mind for a long time perhaps forever. I do not know why but it reminded me of the last scene in the "Hunchback of Notre Damme" movie. THen I read your poem and the feeling increased very much. Your poem is also very touching. You have captured the feeling and soul of the picture and have shown it beneath the veil of your carefully chosen word. I really enjoyed reading your poem. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest, Would you mind reading one of my poems "Life Imitates Art"? http://allpoetry.com/poem/2363531 I would appreciate your comments. -
applaud this poem
I love this, and is the same kind of love I have for my man, and wouild want to be just like that I can feel the emotion here and all the love that is in it. it is true love and I don't think a lot of people even know what that is any more, but if my man should be in that place I would feel the same as if I had died too and would just want to be where he is. Love is for a lifetime and if real love should always be that way. great write. Good luck in the contest
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this has such depth and such strong emotion, that i can actually feel your pain. it was so sad, and then the last line really finished it off well, i love how these two lines flow
'Tonight,
I lay with you for the last time.
But, it will last a lifetime.' well done, and good luck in your contest, maybe add another stanza though? just maybe describing your thoughts? just an idea, great poem anyway, good luck in the contest =]
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How sad.
This reminds me of a couple that I go to church with. He has been so sad since she died as they were married for a long time. You did a great job in explaining your feelings.
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wonderful piece,death and love go together well in this writeing,good work
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wonderful write. so sad, but yet not...it speaks of true love, of something more than you see in everyday life. you have writeen such a truly amazing poem inspired from the picture.
~bee
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ahh...beautiful timeless love. wonderful poem. wonderful feelings i get to walk away with. love everlasting. you've given me hope about love.
--Rianna
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A heartwrenching post, that reaches to the reader with an intense emotional disturbance of the heart. Exceptional in its severity to move the reader.
Sorry to add that you may want to use spell check, being in a contest, you want to always present your best!
Overlooking that, a very emotional entry!
Good luck to you.
LRD
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Your desease slowly kills you
disease
and tonight I will answer your prayers.
Tomorrow you will not wake with pain.
And neither will I....
this is so sad. i have written about this picture also and i admire what you have done with this. thank you for sharing your talent with me today. viyanna rosemarie
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