(i)
inhale
tight and shaking,
yet held open by
your feather-tipped fingers that
hold me open, hold me
helpless and
smooth me gasping.
(you)
exhale
and your breath quivers,
vibrates across my neck singing.
your eyes slide into mine and
we find you.me and the
tremble.soft air breaks and
caress.kiss lips touch and
we you.me
find
(us)
Author notes
I like this one- but I think it could be much better- suggestions?
A contest entry
- On The Spot Creation by Draicon.
445 points, ended April 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is quite good - very sensual and lovely. I think the only thing I might suggest is to put your first line (i) and ninth line (you) in parens. Then you get an ee cummings-like little poem within a poem.
I hope all is well with you. I have been really busy at school and at life.
Hugs
- joanne
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:] good idea- thanks
ee cummings is my favorite
.:Marie:.
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good work.
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