Will you dance with me
in an empty room;
A slow, slow dance
all alone, just we two;
Let me take away
the layers of the thankless day;
and get a little lost in your eyes.
In soft light, I will remove the creases from your brow
and as the dimples of your smile take over;
I will gently lift the weight you carried
as your care, if I hold you close, they disappear;
your eyes go half closed on my shoulder
and lay your soft breathing near my ear
where each wisp is a whisper
just for me, as we slow dance
just we two
in an empty room.
In a list
A contest entry
- Lyricists and Songwriters!! by Andy Stephenson.
800 points, ended May 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT LYRICS by RebelJester.
340 points, ended October 7, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Such tenderness, no distractions, just pure sincere content at being in the arms of another, i really enjoyed this!
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Mmm I am curious what this would sound like sung..it does sum up that wonderful feeling of what it's like when you're dancing with the right partner..Thanks for bringing me to it..Lisa
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Dance With Me
What a beautiful poem about friendship, and maybe more. sometimes one needs to just relax and share our burdens, you know they are still there; but talking lightens the load....Beautiful writing, excellent!....novy
It could be a beautiful song!
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this is real sweet and pretty. a soft piece... so tender and just sweet. thats the only word i can think of
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Thanks
This is very romantic. It seems like it might be hard to wrap a melody around. Do you have one? Thanks for entering my contest. I really appreciate it.
Andy
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very nice imagery and feeling - the feel of the dance is really expressed.
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I agree with everyone this is so sweet and beautiful... I loved it from beginning to end.. Wow.. very awesomeness. I can totally image this..Heather
. Rewarded 4
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aww so sweet and tender, Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
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Good
This was nice ...
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Thank you Jackie
for your kind words and comments...PK
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This is absolutely gorgeous; the imagery is beautiful, delicate and sensuous. I absolutely loved, this, very well done!
. Rewarded 4
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oh my...this was so beautiful and tender and just so perfect! it creates such a picture that i have fallen in love with. it reminds me of a poem i wrote before i signed up on here (i really need to go look for it and post it!) i love this piece much better tho! i love it when my fiance just grabs me and starts dancing with me, even without music. its just pure intimacy and love! You did such a wonderful job with expressing that!
~bee
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you Bee
for your wonderful words and touching comments, yes something about a dance; if you post your poem please drop a link.... much appreciated...PK
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Next waltz is mine, kay?
Verrry nice. I really liked this ..excellent form.
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This is a dance in which two people could be on a crowded floor yet they see or hear no one but themselves. I sigh and bow to the mastery of a poets pen Love, C
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I will gently lift the weight you carried
as your care, if I hold you close, they disappear;
your eyes go half closed on my shoulder
and lay your soft breathing near my ear
sheesh.....*must wipe away the sweat from my brow*
very nice job with writing this! very very very lovely. good luck in the contest. enjoyed.
blu
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mmm, now this is a dance to dance too...... I will paint the wall with petals and watch...
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Each whisp is a whisper just for me. Fantasic line, love it. Very thought provoking...very sensual as well. Conveys so much!!! ~Sie bella rosa
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"Let me take away
the layers of the thankless day;
and get a little lost in your eyes."
Sighhh...I'd love to, Poet Man...Perhaps there is something to be found while getting a little lost in someone's eyes...Beautifully, soulfully penned, my Friend...A gorgeous sentiment, indeed...Good luck in the contest, Sweetie...
Wanda
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What a great and loving song! Great job and good luck in the contest!
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