Today as I sat under a weeping willow tree,
I thought I heard a whimper as tears fell down on me,
I jumped up quick and to my surprise,
this weeping willow had tears pouring from its eyes.
I couldn't help but feel for him as I reached he took my hand,
he then told me a story of a little boy that couldn't stand,
they used to sit and talk and laugh and visit every day,
but now this boy is who he talks to every time that he prays.
See one day as this boy was on his way to see his dad,
a drunk driver hit their vehicle the crash was very bad,
I never got to tell him all the things I should have said,
I want so much to hear him laugh but now my best friend is dead.
Weeping willow so tall and strong stuck there in the ground,
days seem long and lonely with out hearing this little boy sound,
crying endless tears of pain and wishing upon a star,
that there are no more lives taken from drunks driving their car.
Author notes
Please dont drink and drive.
I am not sure this fits into your contest, please message me if not. Thanks, beautiful poem you wrote as well, your gifted with words thats for sure!
In a list
A contest entry
- the weeping willow by adsaige.
350 points, ended February 17, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Judged
Thank you for your thoughts on my poem, first off. Second, this does not fit into what I expected in the contest, however, I will not remove it, because it held a special meaning to me.
Drinking and driving is wrong. I lost my best friend of 14 years to something like this, and it struck a hard chord in me. I guess I would be the weeping willow in this poem.
Thank you for entering and good luck! -
The piece has a quiet flow and a strong message of truth and sorrow. The background does detract from the reading experience. Otherwise, I thought this well-done with much thought put into it. Blue
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This is such a sad and emotional write. So very well written, almost had me in tears. It's so true, because this happens so often in today's world.
-Bella -
excellent
This is very sad, but honest and so true. Thanks for sharing this too!
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Awesome
The flow was kind of hard to follow at times, but it made me pay more attention to the words, so all in all, a great write and an awesome read, thanks for sharing, and i know the feeling behind this, as i've lost many people, not necessarily a best friend, or a family member, but friends, good friends, who i remember everytime i walk down a street on a friday or saturday night, if only they hadn't done this or that, because either they were hit by the drunks, or sadly, they were the drunks.
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good poem
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I absolutely adore weeping willows and I'm glad you also tied in a message to go with the tree. Nice write!
Black Ink -
I love that you wanted to show just how much pain drinking and risking driving can cause for so many people... This poem is so sad! Weeping willows are so gorgeous, it's like they hold the secrets and the dreams of all who've sat under the tree and just hoped, just cried. Great idea!
-chelsea
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Wow this is a really amazing poem. The story you told had me in tears. Thanks for the read and keep on writing. I look forward to reading much more of your work.
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wow
That's a pretty depressing little story there. I really like how your poem is a story unfolding, one with an awesome message. I am very much against drunk driving (I was almost killed by a drunk driver when I was 2 years old), so this message is very close to my heart.
I thought the rhyme scheme did seem a little forced though, and made the lines come across as forced and fake. It was almost like you wrote lines that felt awkward just to make them rhyme. I think this would be a perfect piece if it were more in the free-verse style, or perhaps rhymed a bit more tastefully. You really did an excellent job, it's just that it seems awkward at certain parts.
Well done.
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Hi!
Just wanted to say hello while passing by and send a blessing for today and every day with love and light always.....
Your friend,
AngelicMistress...Tanya -
A touching and poignant poem, and a very well-crafted personification with a nice flow and well done rhyming that wasn't forced, but quite natural. Thanks so much for entering our contest, and best of luck with this fine piece.
David -
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I want to say to everybody that commented on my poem, Thank you so very much.
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very good
wow, the idea ... along with the inspiration is wonderful. A weeping willow and an innocent little boy was just the most perfect way to portray this.
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that made me cryy;
omggg.
You are very good :]
Thanks for the tears
it was well needed.
I loved this verry much
Very vivid imagery;
like I could see everything;
Keep up the great work. -
Good stuff...Drunk driving is so dumb. Ruins peoples lives...
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Deep and very emotional
Deep and very emotional too. Wonderful piece. You poured your heart into this piece and it shows. Well done.
Wayne
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May the strength of this piece reach many readers. This was sad and reaching as if hanging from the very limbs of the tree itself. This, I had to read twice, your words are quite impacting, what a talent you are.
~tia
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Thank you for your kindness and understanding.
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Awww!!
I'm sorry for your lost :'[
I feel bad
but this is beautifully written:]
♥--T.R; -
drunk driving is reckless and foolish. Only people who cannot control themselves could do such a thing
Great poem girl!
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This is a wonderful poem that delivers a powerful message! Drunk drivers kill so many people each year. You have captured the pain of death....a tree that has a heart of gold to love so deeply...you blended imagination and reality to a perfect believable story that touches the reader in such a strong emotional way.
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wow
wow...thats the best word to describe this poem...i am truly moved by it and was left in tears as the last line was read. thanks for the wonderful write, keep up the good work
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excellentg
AMEN
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Aw what a sad, but beautiful poem and a beautiful tree it's my fav, kind in fact. Great job.
Amber
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This is such a sad poem. But one that is very real. So many lies are taken from drunk driving. Its just sad when you think about.
Love be the message,
Peace be the journey.
Justin -
This is such a sad poem. But one that is very real. So many lies are taken from drunk driving. Its just sad when you think about.
Love be the message,
Peace be the journey.
Justin -
Very Emotional written piece,I can relate to this from personal experience.
Thanks for entering the Contest, Wishing you the best of luck. -
wow
mom i love this it is really great keep up the great work!
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"I jumped up quick and to my surprise,
this weeping willow tree had tears pouring from its eyes." just loved that flippin line. you could put this scence almost anywhere with any horrible situation. its veryy sad, but very moving.
xoxox keep writting -
Sad that people still think they can drink and drive-this happens far too often. Good poem!
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Yes
Very horrible indeed that this happens.
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Great!
This poem is really good!
I get what your saying because my bestfriend was killed by a drunk driver.
Please continue writing.
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