With damper feelings, I feel abased.
It seems to me, my future’s erased.
I sit alone, it’s time to grieve.
Eventually, I might feel relieved.
They never try to work out why,
I always seem to want to cry.
They nitpick over silly things,
Agonize over what the future brings.
With life’s torment, it’s such a strain.
I feel no pleasure, there’s only pain.
I’m overwhelmed from past abuse,
And I’ve used up every known excuse.
In disheartened dismay, I turned to drugs,
And hung about with lots of thugs.
Friends turned their backs in utter scorn,
When in the end I turned to porn.
My family is still upset,
With all the things they can’t forget.
They use my past to punish me.
In their eyes, I’ll never be free.
Humiliated, and in the dirt.
I no longer want to feel this hurt.
I’m down as low as I can go,
Now it’s time to face this show.
I will not bother to do it again.
If I keep going, it will drive me insane.
I want to turn my life around,
And plant my feet back on the ground.
I’m hoping that with my family’s love,
I can fight it when push comes to shove.
To return myself, to all my glory.
And share with others, my awful story.
Author notes
Poem 2 pic and word bank
1. Damper--- 2. Dishearten--- 3. Grieve4. Abase--- 5. Bother
6. Dismay--- 7. Scorn 8. Torment--- 9. Upset--- 10. Agonize---
11. Nitpick 12. Strain--- 13. Abuse--- 14. Punish--- 15. Overwhelm---
slipperssun
A contest entry
- Multi Round 4 Contest by SensualWhispers.
1300 points, ended May 26, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUND 1 Contest ~ Anything goes ~ Points in final round 1950! by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended July 20, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Tremendously powerful and moving, sadness floating down the stream of life until it reaches the river where it is set free in the ocean of forgiveness and love. Heart wrenching write my friend
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oh and I adore the picture as well.
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Very painful...scathes the nerves with due precision. I think many of us have been there, but few of us have ever recovered fully. Thank you for your comment on my poem "Aphelion" I thought I would drop by and return the favor. I like the rhyme here. Something I have yet to master. It always amazes me when I read a piece that rhymes yet it isn't confined in doing so. All in all a truly heart felt write that reaches down to the nerve of each reader that stumbles across it. Thank you again.
-Shae Lynn -
This is so raw and intensely honest!
I figure we are only vulnerable when we
keep secrets. Kudos to you!
Now to the sheer artistry of this piece--
Amazing write!!
The title caught my eye
and I am so glad I stopped in to
read this, wonderful poem of yours.Congrats on the trophies,
so well deserved.
Loved it! ~Pastel
. Rewarded 6
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Beautiful
I understand everything you were saying in that poem, i was there once. Very well written -
STUNNING WRITING
Everybody has their own demons to carry, their burden is to bare. Yours comes out so strongly here. This is powerful writing. You want to change your ways, only the love and support of your family can help you to do that.
This is a magnificent piece of writing. Written from deep within your heart. Be of good cheer and know that you are loved and watched over, for everyone, no matter how low we go, we all have our own guardian angel.
Wayne
x
. Rewarded 8
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I really enjoyed this poem and the journey it took me on. I've experienced similar so I felt your emotions quite powerfully here. You've done a great job of saying how you feel, if this is true!
. Rewarded 4
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interesting insight
you certainly tell a story well although the writing did feel a bit forced at times, to much wording in some lines broke the flow off the tongue but looking back is fitting as it portrays a chaotic mind full of turmoil. im hoping the life in question does turn around but the love of a family is never gone its the love of ones self or lack of it which can ultimitly destroy us.... -
A beautifully written poem! Really sad and full of emotion I can see how you won two trophies with this piece!! great write! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
What a sad, tragic tale. I like that it turned to hope in the end and not the darker side of sorrow. Your flow and rhyme scheme seemed consistent throughout. A very nice piece of work.
. Rewarded 4
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i liked your poem alot it rhymed well and i really like your style
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wow..amazing poem..The imagery was moving.
I love the rhyming scheme aswell. great poem -
Wow its...AMAZINNG! Wonderful job
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Wow, I think you did a fabulous job! ~ Thanks for entering my round contest ~ good luck to you!
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so sad. i usually dislike rhyming poems, but this had a great flow. great write
good luck&thanks for entering
-lovesong -
This is such a brilliant write but I do hope with all my heart that it is just a poem. I loved the flow and rhyme of this. It is so great. Well done for winning the gold trophy. You certainly did deserve it. Well done.
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This is an amazing write. This poem tell a story of taking the wrong path or turn in life, but with the love of family and friends you find yourself back on the right path. Thanks for the read and keep on writing.
Return the favor.
. Rewarded 4
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This is an amazing write. It is very powerful and honest. It also, to me, showed the various sides of your family as well as yourself. They hold past mistakes over you, but they also show their love for you to help you move on...it seems like very much a love-hate relationship, which is how life really is. I respect this poem's honesty. Nice job
. Rewarded 6
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What a powerful and brutally honest write. This must have took some courage and an equal amount of talent, it really is amazing. Well done.
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An awesome write here
Through all the ordeals and the self sacrifice for one who didnt even care life does challenge us and if we arent careful can fall to the deepest depths. Never stay with anyone that cant show love and compassion for its the necesity to a happy healthy life
. Rewarded 6
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i love it it reminds me of me and my family u r so good im adding u as a fav
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Hey man...!!! you are surely a great poet and I love the amazing write..the imagery is beautiful and strong and is very deep!! it rhymed good too at some places which was the best part..The lyrics make this one of more importance and this one is just amazing.
this is a great job, and i look forward to read more of yours. ANd do take a look at my work too, i wud be very thankful to u for this act of kindness best of luck for more!!!
God bless,
Love,
-Mansoor -
Well done here and congratulations
on your gold trophy! It's a terrible
feeling to feel this way about yourself.
Many people out there have been through
this. But, it's so important to keep
your head up and keep trying to make a
better you! Thanks for sharing this here!
Jeremy0826 -
i can see why this won gold
'humiliated, and in the dirt' is excellent. that line alone is inspiring.
you've told a sad, sorry story and ended it with hope... then showed that hope growing stronger.
. Rewarded 4
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Amazing
This was a great poem. Very powerful, emotional and a great flow. To be honest I can't believe you were able to create such a wonderful poem and you had to use 15 words chosen by someone else. I love the picture as well. Great write. -
What a wonderful poem about the fall of ones self, and the arising from that also. Very touching and it shows great strength. Congratulations on the gold trophy, it is well deserved.
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Perfect poem, and congratulations on the win with it. Very relatable poem, and I love the picture you used with it.
whisper
. Rewarded 4
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damper feelings...
Excellent piece of writing. I like the construction and flow of this work.
I like the way the last verse is used to soften the blow a little!
. Rewarded 4
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10 out of 10
I find your rhyme wonderfully well done. I also find yoru word ususage was perfect. Your flow smoothly gave your emotions a tune. I must say so far this is the best poem I have read. I find you have captifated me with your poem. Outstanding job. That is why you have received a ten out of ten. thank you for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
This poem was very sad and painful. But, I feel a strong connection to this poem. It makes you sit back and think. It's sort of like how I feel about my life, but i've never turned to porn . Even though this was sad, it was really amazing and beautifully written.
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Wow.
Full of pain, but amazing all the same. =]
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wow
the story was very painful..but i really liked it..it was really powerful and amazing great job!!!!
. Rewarded 4
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Loved it
Dealing with a lot of the same feelings and at a very similar point in my life right now, I really loved this poem. I have a poem called the Invalid, I just wrote the other night. Kind of a different take on the same idea. I saw this, and just by the title I knew I was going to relate. We're never completely alone, there are always others who share similar experiences. I loved the flow of the poem, and the fortified ending.
. Rewarded 8
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beautiful
Your awful story is wonderfully told! It is only in reviewing our choices of the past can we make wiser choices today for a better tomorrow. Very well written!!
. Rewarded 4
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Fantastic Write
Following where this write takes you will be good for the spirit!! Excellent write!! To be humbled is a healthy thing for the soul and the reason to look at better times for answers to the future thoughts. You did a super job of clarifying the issue, Don
. Rewarded 6
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Hi there
I need you to please put your screenname in your author's notes. Thanks Kassie -
very well done in rhyme
the story comes through with tenderness and the reader feels the pain of the voice; as a contest write it is pretty amazing to get so much with a rhyme and word choices, very impressive...PK
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, I loved this write Jen, very heartfelt and emotional. Good use of the wordbank and what deep and dark descriptions. Very well written, thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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WoW!! Damn this is an amazing write, the words the picture...everything just fell into place, All the best for the contest, its got to kick ass
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this kind of sorrow is something that just comsumes me most of the time, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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AWESOME !
What a Masterpiece you've penned here Jen. I don't think I can say anymore than just that. Well done indeed and I wish you the very best of luck in this contest. It's Gold in my opinion
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Very emotional and BRAVE write. You have come a long way to acknowledge that you made mistakes, you HAVE to forgive yourself. Sometimes our families take longer to come around. But you have to keep going in the right direction anyway. If they don't come around, it is THEIR fault, not yours. You have to believe in yourself and you must, because you have taken steps to get on the right path. Hang in there, there are others that you will meet along the way to help and support you. Awesome write. Way to go!! Good luck to you!
Jeannie
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Hmmm ... this is a dark write, although I enjoyed it. It read well and it made a lot of sense. Sometimes people do lose their way and sometimes they have to fight it on their own, but some are lucky and they have family and friends to support their long struggle to return to "normal" again.
Without family, one has nothing ...
This was a good write (even though it was sad, although I realize it is what was called for
)
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