Didn't listen when my gut said it was wrong.
You were so beautiful, now my shattered life is misaligned.
Another victim of your wicked siren's song.
Merely fooled myself pretending I was strong,
Like a man marching to the gallows, neck and rope entwined.
Didn't listen when my gut said it was wrong.
I couldn't help myself and had to play along,
You were so seductive, I should have known your kind.
Another victim of your wicked siren's song.
I know a soldier's wrath against the Vietcong,
Lost within the dark jungles of your convoluted mind.
Didn't listen when my gut said it was wrong.
Thought you were the one, waited for so long,
But your love came from a liquor bottle, whiskey blind.
Another victim of your wicked siren's song.
The game is over, I hear the angel's throng.
I curse your hollow words, you severed ties that bind.
Didn't listen when my gut said it was wrong.
Another victim of your wicked siren's song.
Author notes
My first attempt (attempt being the keyword) at a Villanelle.
A contest entry
- Dark: Villanelles ONLY. by bw43.
850 points, ended May 6, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i liked your couplet. it was nice and strong. the first stanza though was a little weird to me. i'm not sure why. i think that line 2 was just kinda too long maybe. i liked stanza 4 and 5 the best. :) thanks for entering my contest.... and good luck! :D e03.. haha i know who you are!
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wow i loved it
it was one of the best i have read on here...great job and great write.i look forward to reading more of you poems!
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Thank you for the applause
That was my first attempt at a villanelle. Glad you liked it.
Ben
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Beautiful!!
Wow!! What a beautiful write a very vivid picture you have painted and I really loved it….. thank you for sharing
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Thank you for the applause and the comments. I reallly appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Ben
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"But your love came from a liquor bottle, whiskey blind." This line smacked me in my face! I can relate. You always want the forbidden fruit. But what other way to learn about love and your strength then to have a broken heart. Wonderful poem!
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I could tell the anger in this piece,i like it,good job :]
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all i can really say is WOW. much better than my first. the title is one in itself which caught my eye, and i immediately had to click on it. you have painted such a vivid picture here and you asked the question a lot of people ask, why didn't i listen to my gut feeling? yet if we did that, what would we learn in life? i think i have a new favorite and a new bookmark! truly excellent!!!
~bee
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Thank you for the comments and the applause
Villanelle is new to me. Just learned about it yesterday, LOL. I couldn't think of a title for it until I was posting it. Then I realized it was right under my nose the whole time.
I appreciate your kind words and taking the time to read.
Much Love
Ben
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I love your title " Sirens Song" it really entices the reader. This is a wonderful poem it beautifully paints the picture of a sirene calling you and how powerful her call is..
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Thank you for the applause and your time. I'm really not sure what a Villanelle is supposed to be and really appreciate the feedback.
Much Love
Ben
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Great Piece
Wow, it leaves a person breathless, I love the work, you capture some really excellent pictures as well as thoughts. thanks for sharing and keep up the great writing.
Its been a pleasure
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very good poem!! you did a great and wonderful job!! It was an excellent villanelle!! very good
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An excellent villanelle! (though not perfect in the final stanza, but so what?) I think it was fine, though I don't quite understand the parenthesis and the brackets--there has been an evil movement in recent poetry to make much of it, poetry, parenthetical, which I see, in my humble opinion, as decidedly unpoetic in every possible sense. Fine villanelle…bravo…bravo…
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yay! i love it! its a masterpiece! if you don't mind i'd like to add you as a fave, so i can keep in check all of your poetry. hopefully they are as wonderful as this one! cya and good luck!
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I would be honored to be in your favs. Thanks for the comments.
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