Now, listen very carefully,
'til I get this off my chest.
I'm quite happy eating Pringles
in my ice-cream covered vest.
Yes, I'm happy just to sit at home
doing nothing but relax.
With the hi-fi on full volume
and my Aero multi-packs.
I've no urge to wake each morning
to a pillow full of drool,
with a stubble ridden, hairy man
smiling brightly, like a fool.
I'm not fond of smelly underpants,
sprawled across my bedroom floor,
nor piles of sweaty, unwashed socks
wafting through an opened door.
I've no notion of that "big, white dress"
or that big, flash, shiny ring.
Nor the endless days of planning
and the chaos it would bring.
I don't want to share my TV,
have my Soaps replaced by sport
and don't want to watch the boxing,
with a blow by blow report.
I've no need to feel I'm cherished,
with a stack of wilting flowers.
No need to say "I love you"
in the wee small darkened hours.
No desires to share my bathroom
with a great big, hulking man.
Nor wash stubble from my small sink.
That's not my master plan.
I'm not looking for that partner,
for "the one" to share my life.
No, I'm happy as I am thanks,
I don't want to be a wife.
Just because you think he's perfect,
think the two of us would gel,
doesn't mean that I will like him,
that we'd get on very well.
No thanks, I am quite happy,
just to sit here as I am
with my hair unwashed and scruffy
and my family pack of ham.
Author notes
Option 1 - independance from the opposite sex
For contest by Gemini1983
Option 6 : humour and message requested :
"I pretty much hate you too." I commented on your poem Yesterday
Was talking to a friend last night who told me she was sick of our other friends trying to get her to settle down and act like a grown-up.
A contest entry
- Give me your best prewrite EVER! by love tank x.
650 points, ended May 1, 2007, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Keep my attention by writing something great!!! by Luciferschild.
400 points, ended May 22, 2007, 49 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Laughter is the best medicine, but tears heal the soul. by SharonLynn.
525 points, ended June 23, 2007, 45 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Entertain Me by EmeraldDaze.
600 points, ended November 6, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Rhyme by piccola.
900 points, ended March 9, 68 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Funniest poem ever!!! PW by happy kitty kat.
692 points, ends November 30, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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This put a smile on my face.
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I love this ... thank you for entering. I enjoyed the humor as well as the rhyme and the visuals like, bristles in the sink were all great. I've never seen a family pack of ham but I'd like one
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thank you for entering and good luck!
leslie -
Haha, nice, I like that. It is funny. Though, I don't think anyone should live alone forever. Thanks for the laugh
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Congrats on the two Silvers and the HM you have won for this, this is amazing, so funny, it's great! I loved it, I nearly died laughing. Great job, thank you so much for entering, and good luck!
Chelsea
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Very well written and I love to see that degree of independence shown through poetry. You conveyed your point very well. Great write and seems like it has gone noticed
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thanks for entering my contest
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I really love this, it made me smile! Thanks so much for entering and following the rules!! :] Good luck!
Love always,
~SA -
I liked it. I found it really funny.
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I like poem its funny and its very detailed good luck in my contest
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A great write, very fun to read.
"That's not my master plan." - This is the only line I had any problem with. Especially because it is surrounded by perhaps the best lines in the poem.
I think, perhaps, I'll go wash my shavings of the sink, and maybe even wash my own socks...but she'll still have to mate them for me!!! LOL.
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Amusing
I found this to be very amusing and I have definately been there before. It is always amusing when everyone is trying to hook you up with someone and you just want to be alone, but then again it is also frustrating and irratating....At any rate thanks for entering this into my contest and I wish you good luck. -
In a word? Fantastic. But to add a few more: I love rhyme and I love humour. Excellent. Good luck.
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Thank you for the lovely entry.
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this was very well written. Funny how well I can relate to this myself! lol Good job all the way around and good luck. THANK YOU for reading the rules and following them and thank you for commenting on a poem of mine.
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wow...for half the poem i thought it wuz a girl tlking then the other half i thought it wuz a dude and i read it again and UR A GIRL!!
...srry...im gonna add this to my bookmarks after the contest is over...kudos to u!! thanx for entering -
You've pretty much described me to a T. No matter how many men court me, or how many times my friends attempt to set me up, I'm just going to turn them down 'cause I'm happy being me by myself.
I liked your descriptions of what you wouldn't like should you have a man around. Especially the little stubble hairs in the sink. That's excellent in my book. Something I think everyone should read, and if they don't like it, their minds are too small to see the humor.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D
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hooray! haha!
Brilliant style. Hey, once you get comfy with a man, you don't have to make an effort anyway (oops, did I just say that?)jogging bottoms unite!
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an excellent rhyme scheme, an even better poem, i have to admit it did gross me out a little but it was a powerful statement of independence. thank you for entering and good luck
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very nice!!!! makes me think of dr seuss... but without the silly words! i like it lots! *smiles*
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Very funny... Love the poem you have wrote. A compelling read. Great flow to your words. Good luck in the contest.
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*Wild Applause*
This is really good! i hate when people think that us women HAVE to date bleh. its annoying
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A femenist speaks loud and clear. How strong your words are. I enjoyed this very much, very intertaneing. Very good
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hehehhehe!! amen to that!!
here's to independence n knowin our mind *wine glasses say clink!*
very cute n funny poem.. n many will relate to this!
well written!
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nice
good flow, very funny
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this was funny...I would hope if the sentiments were true it would be because of more noble reasons. marriage isn't for everyone...but it should always be about YOU either way. This poem made me laugh. It read like a party! I loved it. thank you for sharing. peace and light, Kendal
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Its not for everyone lol but sometimes it is nice to think of a hug or a cuddle at days end, but I do love the humor you have put into this and may pay me to revisit my thinking on the subject lol. Loved it! Love, Chez
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Love this! You manage to state the feelings with quite a bit of humour. The only thing I can suggest is editing for punctuation. And, a couple of typos: sink, instead of simk; and gel instead of gell (unless this is an alternate spelling: UK or Australian).
Thank you for sharing, and the laughs.
rous
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