Faceless automatons
Right-foot-stepping out the commuter train door
In endless crowds of
Unseeing eyes.
Join the mob,
Seeking one face.
Searching dark dreams
Filled with shadow
And half-shadow
And shades of gray.
Running in and out,
Seeking light.
Casting about,
Hurried and harried,
Edging toward panic
As time slips away.
And then I find
You.
In a list
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended October 9, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
a very nice write up...
Casting about,
Hurried and harried,
Edging toward panic
As time slips away...thease are my favorite lines...kudos
-
Just personal preference but I didn't care for all the spaces between the stanzas, especially when reading on a computer it is distracting with the scrolling. Again, just personal preference.
Your emotion is well done, you can feel the fear and then the contentment at the end. Some good images within the lines as well, nicely done. -
-
The spaces were designed to give the feeling of looking and not finding. cq
-
-
Really enjoyed reading this poem. Finding someone when all around you life is passing by so quickly. Just goes to show, we can meet someone when we least expect it. Julie.
-
-
Thank you for the applause - but what poem was it for? cq
-
-
It almost sounds like a parent who has lost thier child in a crowded place. All parents know that panic. I guess it could also be about lovers searching for one another. You build the panic well, but maybe not for long enough. As a reader, the moment I started to feel panic for you, it was over.
-
This is provacative. Seems to be one in a million and a face without color. Until the lines are drawn in and the color is mantled to these dismantled people. Enjoyed greatly.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
