this crawls like a methodist man
like a package of bits and bitch-slaps
and it would’ve been a road of coronas
callused in something softer than sand
those rice sisters bonding over salt and bone
but there is evil in here
in condolences and sheets drenched
in the white hush
as if god spoke in sign language
to a roomful of amputees
making crosses of their legs
and blocking the crotches
the thumbs repeating:
there is no room at the inn
why do you journey us?
until out of gas
stuck
like the glue destined in
auschwitz
nanjing
&
black carolinas
750,000 beats that end with
one
night long ago
yes, there was ceremony
the right kisses in the right places
we acted like flowers and egyptian grief
and it was such waste
such undulating waste
to fleshy tissue paper
and a few horrible moments called
breathing
in and out
until the very atoms and adams
close in throat and bloat
and everything can be summed up
in an hour on a table
under florescent light
and a quick stranger
pulling at a bleached blanket
and saying
good night
*
*
*
but it is written
on some lonesome man
on some tired maid
perhaps on a
tongue song
that last score of
teeth melody
and this lies between
the purpling and the free
and it echoes:
you can’t take the
sky
from
me
Author notes
"You can't take the sky from me" credit to Joss Whedon's Firefly
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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ive missed you and your writing. bad. this is obviously a shining example of how fucking good you are. the ending killed.
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"Night long ago, yes, there was ceremony..." that was the stanza where this piece really popped for me. It's the place where this became real and truly meant something to me personally. That's not to say the rest of the poem wasn't good. Of course not. Just that it was that one stanza that allowed me the opportunity to experience the poem verses simply reading it. Thanks for entering
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i need a vacation away from the human race.
the right kisses in the right places
we acted like flowers and egyptian grief
and it was such waste
such undulating waste
to fleshy tissue paper
and a few horrible moments called
breathing
i feel like this most everydays, everything is placed right where it should be an every occasion is made to bring a smile but it ends up in waste, in a load of fucking shit. when someone asks whats wrong, all i can think of is: i'm breathing. and for those moments, it seems like the worse the in the world.
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Dude. This is genius. If I could freeze this on a stick, I'd make popsicles out of it and suck them all summer. Throughout winter too probably. lol my cat's looking at me with this strange I-wanna-eat-you-face. anyway. Not very important. Good luck in the contest. Not that you need any. DUDE TORI AMOS IS TOOUUUURING! Not here but meh. Let's all move to Zurich and see herrrrr and give her hugs. Please? Alright. Nevermind. I love this and I love you.
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though I personally dislike this form and visage of poetry, you have done a wonderful job of bringing the efferescent quality, with the words used, to the fore and displaying the underside of life and death.
~*Starr*~ xxx
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Oops
double post
*kick computer
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AMAZING
I have no words to describe this poem... I love it. I really love the dramatic spaces you use near the end... and your imagery is superb. A+++
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well. i get a fair amount of the bible references. The first stanza seems a little beyond me...
However, i can't get over the lines "as if god spoke in sign language
to a roomful of amputees
making crosses of their legs" I love the image. I mean, i think i read it three times, and it still strikes me as great.
But moving on, I think the stars being used as ellipses was an interesting technique, however, it may be a little unneeded. But, whatever you feel fits, yknow?
I wonder how long you were working on this poem, and how you finally refined it to this; however it was, you did an excellent job at it.
cheers!
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This is very well written. I like the flow of the poem. It has interesting content, but I'm not quite sure what it is about.
You have some really great imagery going on throughout the piece. Good job with that.
The rythm and line breaks are done really well. It is very effective when you have one word, or a short series of words on one line.
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing! -
Very large in size.
Larger in size than others of the same kind.
Large in quantity or number: A great throng awaited us. See synonyms at large.
Extensive in time or distance: a great delay.
Remarkable or outstanding in magnitude, degree, or extent: a great crisis.
Of outstanding significance or importance: a great work of art.
Chief or principal: the great house on the estate.
Superior in quality or character; noble: “For he was great, ere fortune made him so” (John Dryden).
Powerful; influential: one of the great nations of the West.
Eminent; distinguished: a great leader.
Grand; aristocratic.
Informal. Enthusiastic: a great lover of music.
Informal. Very skillful: great at algebra.
Informal. Very good; first-rate: We had a great time at the dance.
Being one generation removed from the relative specified. Often used in combination: a great-granddaughter.
Archaic. Pregnant.
n.
pl. greats or great. One that is great: a composer considered among the greats.
Music.
A division of most pipe organs, usually containing the most powerful ranks of pipes.
A similar division of other organs.
adv. Informal.
Very well: got along great with the teacher.
[Middle English grete, from Old English grēat, thick, coarse.]
greatly great'ly adv.
greatness great'ness n.
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ah lovely one, you always make me reach and read and believe.
And I love you for it.
Always,
Cat
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Phewww..glad I didn't enter this one..this is really good. When I grow up, I wanna write just like you..oh wait, I am grown up, shite.
"we acted like flowers and egyptian grief"
I loved that line, among many others. Excellent work.
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Damn!
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we're all methodists
whores
wearing our lipstick like a cross
all pimps with phallic hammers
beating needles
fuel your ovens
burn your children
chop your hearts
to raise a prison
the tormentors have grown wounds
the tormented have grown spears
we gotta split each other's bellies out
and spread our guts all over the universe
it's the age of the abattoir
it's the reason of the prison
it's the season of no season
get out of this house
god said
grown too fat from eating limbs
can't take the sky from me
but if you do
I still have the falling
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