Oh your eyes,
make me quiver
as my lifeless body shivers,
exposed to the cold,
that enfolds
me in disbelief,
my heart full of grief
placed in your cruel hands
scraping across our wedding bands
as my pain begins to drip
and I see my blood upon your lips;
now i realize,
that our love was just a lie,
you have acted like acaricide
burning my eyes,
with the evil you hold inside,
now I shall die,
and you won't even try,
to hide me from this pain,
that floods over me like rain,
instead you'll just sit by,
and watch my soul begin to rise.
Author notes
this was for a contest based on a picture, this is what i drew from that
A contest entry
- Describe what you see (picture) by MotherMachineGunn.
340 points, ended April 26, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Interesting depiction. I haven't seen the picture, but the poem paints one for me anyway. I really don't even WANT to see it because I like my imagination better.
Beautifully done. I'll admit that I had to go to an online dictionary and look up the word "acaricide"...lol...and I thought I had a good vocabulary.
Write on, poet.
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Very nice. Acaricide...interesting word choice. It's essence is very metaphorically used in relevence to te piece. Nice job with that...
Thank you for your entry and Good Luck.
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
Oh my goodness! This was very powerful! Every part of this flowed so beautifully. I adored the first santza;
"Oh your eyes,
make me quiver
as my lifeless body shivers"
You did a wonderful job to create a great write. I just rhymed. hahah Anyway, awesome job. Keep up the amazing work!
Toi -
what a powerful read, you can feel all the emotions, and the pain in this piece, well done..this is one of those pieces that you hope that no one has felt this kind of pain, because you can almost feel all the piain of this poem, great write! well wishes, seltz
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very deep
Wow what a write. I can smale the blood as I'm reading this....lol
and you won't even try,
to hide me from this pain,
that floods over me like rain,
very powerful
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