Shirtless, my chest to the ground
SNAP
A seering pain next to my spine
Disappears instantaneously
I try to raise to a kneeling position
I'm pushed back down
But a stilleto heel
SNAP
Another taste of leather
Melts into my back
Before I can react
SNAP
"Fuck!" is the only thing I can utter,
Rolling onto my side
A pointed toes shoves me down again
"Stay down, slut!"
SNAP
"Does that hurt, slut?" she asks
My mouth fails to form words
SNAP, another SNAP
"I SAID, does that hurt?" more forceful this time
"Yes Ma'am"
Author notes
Debbie got whips
This is loosely based off when I was over at her place
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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i hope you and Debbie had fun ;P
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Nice thats all i can say nice
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Is it wrong to chuckle at this poem? I like how you repeatedly used SNAP to describe the crack of the whip.
Shirtless, my chest to the ground
SNAP
A seering pain next to my spine
Disappears instantaneously
I try to raise to a kneeling position
I'm pushed back down
But a stilleto heel
SNAP
Hopefully they were red and DAMN worth the pain.
Much love,
Jessica -
Wow
Sounds like you had a good time, lol. As far as the poem goes though, lol, this poem is very realistic, and yet it's almost like a story when you read it. Awesome job! -
Interesting Imagery
very well penned, I am an Erotica fan...very nice and I enjoyed rreading . Gr8 flow as well.
Ephiphany
Im feeling this....SNAP
Another taste of leather
Melts into my back
Before I can react
SNAP
"Fuck!" is the only thing I can utter,
Rolling onto my side
A pointed toes shoves me down again
"Stay down, slut!"
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Good. It's nice. I like this part: "Fuck!" is the only thing I can utter,
Rolling onto my side
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that's a spicy meatball!! ooh i like this. fantastic imagery. can feel the yummy pain as i read. well written. makes me want to go put on some heels and kick the crap out of something!! not really. but this is a great write!
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Very interesting, hehe. I like the shocking imagery. A nice and creative piece. And was very intimely flowing, I like the powerful ending, somewhat makes the poem more suttle yet still sticks in your mind.
Very relative yet, based of own experience.
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not bad, could have done with hearing more about how you felt. Im always interested in hearing other peoples descriptions of pain intermingled with pleasure....
liked it none the less!!! ;-)
Jules xx
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Hmmm.. well, this isn't exactly erotica or anything..i mean, it does have a sexual theme but its not very strong. I think its a good start but it could be a lot stronger in someplaces.. some more imagery would help too. good poem.
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wow...very interesting...and yet very rosado...it's cool
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not exactly earth shattering
well, this is a decent poem. The erotic theme isn't very powerful, nor is the imagery. You do have a strong base.. but your word choice could be better. For example, you have the line "I try to raise to a kneeling position". This is very prose like, and has little poetic ring, almost whatsoever. Maybe throw in more imagery; try appealing to the senses; that will really get this piece fired up. -
wellllllll.... interesting is about all i can say. viyanna rosemarie
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If you're going to put this in the feature box, you should probably warn people about the comment, perhaps in parenthesis after the title.
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Damn... Debbie is my hero I must say... hmmm... I could learn from her... maybe I'd become mistress... master! hehe! Great job! Rock on! xoxo Meg
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Wonderful
No-matter what you write aboutyoupull it off. you are a wonderful poet. great job.
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